Embracing Discomfort: How to Transform Fear and Thrive Authentically with Wendy Feldman

Kellen: 00:00:02

Welcome to the show.

Kellen: 00:00:05

Tired of the hype about living the dream?

Kellen: 00:00:07

It's time for truth.

Kellen: 00:00:09

This is the place for tools, power, and real talk so you can create the life you dream and deserve your ultimate life.

Kellen: 00:00:21

Subscribe, share, create.

Kellen: 00:00:24

You have infinite power.

Kellen: 00:00:28

Hello, and welcome to this episode of youf Ultimate Life, the podcast committed to helping you create a life of purpose, prosperity and joy.

Kellen: 00:00:35

And I'm stoked today to have a fabulous guest, Wendy Feldman.

Kellen: 00:00:39

Wendy, welcome to the show.

Wendy Feldman: 00:00:41

Ah, thank you, thank you.

Wendy Feldman: 00:00:43

I'm super excited to be here with you today.

Kellen: 00:00:45

Kellen, you are so welcome.

Kellen: 00:00:48

And I'm grateful that I'm grateful for who you're being and the work you're doing and how you're creating things in the world.

Kellen: 00:00:54

So I'm not going to give an introduction.

Kellen: 00:00:56

I'm going to allow people to get to know your beauty, your grace, your passion as we go along.

Kellen: 00:01:02

And the first thing I want to ask you is without being any holding anything back or trying to be modest or anything, I want people to know and I want to know how is Wendy adding good to the world?

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:18

Thank you.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:20

Oh, gosh, that is kind of a loaded.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:22

That's.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:23

Here we go.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:23

Do you have.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:23

How much time do you have?

Kellen: 00:01:25

We've got a half an hour.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:27

Do we have all day?

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:28

Because, you know.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:29

No, no, no.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:31

You know, I love that I've been through as you.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:36

I have died.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:37

And that's how you and I started talking.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:39

You know, I've died three times.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:42

Well, come close to death, let's say.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:43

I don't want to say I've died because I'm right here today, but I have come close to death three times in the.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:48

Over the period of the last eight years, or let's say 10 years now.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:52

And through all of that, I so realized.

Wendy Feldman: 00:01:57

I so realized what was really important in life and what really mattered.

Wendy Feldman: 00:02:02

And I've had to go through a lot of hurt, a lot of pain, physical, emotional.

Wendy Feldman: 00:02:07

Through that came.

Wendy Feldman: 00:02:08

There was a divorce in the middle of that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:02:10

And a lot of different things happened.

Wendy Feldman: 00:02:12

And through every little bit that I went through, I realized it doesn't matter about the small stuff.

Wendy Feldman: 00:02:21

And you and I have talked about this before, about what other people think, and your WITOT theory comes into play big time.

Wendy Feldman: 00:02:27

You know what I think others think, and I really resonate with that because I used to live my life so worried about what are people going to think?

Wendy Feldman: 00:02:35

What if?

Wendy Feldman: 00:02:36

What if.

Wendy Feldman: 00:02:37

And that held me back from so.

Wendy Feldman: 00:02:39

From doing so many things and from being my true authentic self.

Wendy Feldman: 00:02:43

So I Guess to answer your question, what I'm doing to bring good into the world is to let other people know that you can be your true, authentic self and it's okay.

Wendy Feldman: 00:02:56

And what other people think, it doesn't matter.

Wendy Feldman: 00:02:58

And the people that love you and the people.

Wendy Feldman: 00:03:01

People that support you will always be there and you.

Wendy Feldman: 00:03:03

Like attracts like.

Wendy Feldman: 00:03:05

So I want to share that message because for so many years of my Life, for almost 50 years of my life, I don't think I felt that way.

Wendy Feldman: 00:03:15

And I was afraid to be my authentic self and for what I thought people were going to think about my authentic self.

Wendy Feldman: 00:03:23

And that wasn't a.

Wendy Feldman: 00:03:25

Did not feel good to live that way.

Wendy Feldman: 00:03:27

Didn't feel good.

Kellen: 00:03:29

You know, you said the people that love you will always be there when you choose or someone chooses to be their authentic self and, you know, be different than they've been being.

Kellen: 00:03:40

Is it possible that the people that you thought loved you or ought to love you would run screaming for the hills and want nothing to do with you?

Kellen: 00:03:49

And if that happens, like, what do you do?

Wendy Feldman: 00:03:53

Absolutely.

Wendy Feldman: 00:03:55

Absolutely.

Wendy Feldman: 00:03:56

It's people that we think.

Wendy Feldman: 00:03:58

Because, of course, there were people in my world that when I got divorced, I thought they were close to me and they weren't there.

Wendy Feldman: 00:04:08

And that's.

Wendy Feldman: 00:04:09

And I.

Wendy Feldman: 00:04:09

And you've talked about this in POD in some of your fear podcasts, which I'm really loving the series, is that we can blame.

Wendy Feldman: 00:04:18

I can say, okay, well, I could blame them and say, well, they weren't there for me, but I have to take ownership, right?

Wendy Feldman: 00:04:24

I take ownership of myself.

Wendy Feldman: 00:04:27

So what how other people respond, that's on.

Wendy Feldman: 00:04:30

That's on them.

Wendy Feldman: 00:04:31

I can only control what I can control.

Wendy Feldman: 00:04:34

Right?

Wendy Feldman: 00:04:35

So how people act, it's how we react to that, Right.

Wendy Feldman: 00:04:39

How we react to their actions.

Wendy Feldman: 00:04:42

We can't control other people, what they think about this, what they're going to say about us, we can't control that people will do what they're going to do.

Wendy Feldman: 00:04:50

We can control how we respond and how we let it affect us.

Wendy Feldman: 00:04:55

And that was a big thing that I learned is I have the control over that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:05:00

I can spiral out of control or I can just move on my own way.

Wendy Feldman: 00:05:05

And so I guess I say, when I.

Wendy Feldman: 00:05:07

The people that love you will support you.

Wendy Feldman: 00:05:09

It's the people that you connect with that believe in you, that believe in you, who you are, that love you for your authentic self.

Wendy Feldman: 00:05:17

Those were the people that I'm referring to.

Wendy Feldman: 00:05:19

Is that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:05:19

Did I make.

Kellen: 00:05:20

That makes perfect sense.

Wendy Feldman: 00:05:22

Yeah.

Kellen: 00:05:22

Yeah.

Kellen: 00:05:23

So let's talk a little Bit about that.

Kellen: 00:05:25

You're right, I can't.

Kellen: 00:05:27

You can't.

Kellen: 00:05:28

We don't have anything to do.

Kellen: 00:05:29

Like other people feel whatever they feel and they feel that and it makes perfect sense to them because they're wherever they are on their journey of life and so they then hate you or me or whoever or avoid, you know, change because that's the lens that they look through.

Kellen: 00:05:45

And so then they're, they're out of your life.

Kellen: 00:05:47

And then you attract new relationships, people, conditions into your life.

Kellen: 00:05:54

I have a question that just popped in my mind as you said that.

Kellen: 00:05:58

So if people that you thought should love you, family, friends, whatever, and then they distance themselves or get scarce or openly become hostile as you, as you choose the path to live on and how you express yourself in the world, is it possible that can hurt?

Kellen: 00:06:15

Is it possible in your mind to get to a place where you just love them anyway and let them be where they are after the fact that they hurt you?

Kellen: 00:06:25

Like what.

Kellen: 00:06:25

What happens then?

Wendy Feldman: 00:06:27

Yeah.

Wendy Feldman: 00:06:27

Yes, that's a really, really great question.

Wendy Feldman: 00:06:30

I do believe that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:06:31

I do believe that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:06:32

Now, obviously there's different levels of hurt, okay, so we, you know, people are.

Wendy Feldman: 00:06:36

Everyone's gonna.

Wendy Feldman: 00:06:37

Every situation is going to be different for every human on the planet and it depends on their own level of what and what hur to them.

Wendy Feldman: 00:06:45

But I do believe, yes, I do believe that we accept we can learn because we learn in life, we learn to adapt.

Wendy Feldman: 00:06:53

And that's one of the big things that I work on as being a health and wellness coach that I work with my clients is some things we can't change.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:01

And people don't really change, you know, they really don't.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:04

But we adapt.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:06

We learn to adapt.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:07

And so when people, when we have, let's say, whether it's family, friends, da da da, that maybe have hurt us or that maybe we've hurt them, I mean, you know, it goes both ways, right?

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:17

That maybe we.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:19

And da da da.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:20

So we have to then adapt and we hope that other people.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:23

I hope that other people will adapt as well, that know that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:27

And it becomes, I think, one of the things that bubbles up when I, as I say this to you, it's about judgment and about, you know, people are fear of being judged.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:37

There's a lot of judgment going on.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:39

People judge all the time.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:40

And that's one, one of my.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:42

That's a big trigger for me because I used to, I was very judgmental and I'm so not now.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:48

And so I let people do their thing and if they're going to be.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:50

Go do it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:51

Have at it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:52

Like, that's fine.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:53

That's good.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:54

Because it's on them.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:55

If it, you know, I can, I can either remove myself.

Wendy Feldman: 00:07:59

I can either say, that doesn't work for me anymore.

Wendy Feldman: 00:08:02

I set those boundaries.

Wendy Feldman: 00:08:03

It's all about.

Wendy Feldman: 00:08:04

And I never could do that, Kellen.

Wendy Feldman: 00:08:06

I never knew how to do that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:08:08

I'm such a people pleaser.

Wendy Feldman: 00:08:10

I was so afraid to disappoint people, and I didn't want to say no.

Wendy Feldman: 00:08:15

And that was not healthy.

Wendy Feldman: 00:08:17

It was not good.

Wendy Feldman: 00:08:18

You know, that was not good.

Kellen: 00:08:20

If you, if you get.

Kellen: 00:08:22

And I know you're talking to a lot of people right now that are listening.

Kellen: 00:08:25

If you who are a people pleaser, meaning you got your energy and value and validation from seeing that what you did or said made somebody else happy.

Kellen: 00:08:34

And so we're pleasing people.

Kellen: 00:08:35

When you stop doing that and begin setting boundaries, then you no longer meet their expectations, so you no longer have that source of personal validation.

Kellen: 00:08:47

So there's two questions in here.

Kellen: 00:08:48

One is, how do you deal with the reaction of others who you now no longer people please because you set boundaries?

Kellen: 00:08:58

And the second is, where do you then get your validation or feeling of worth that you used to get from making people happy?

Kellen: 00:09:11

So what do you do with their how dare you reaction if that happens?

Kellen: 00:09:16

And then where do you go get the truth of your own value in the new.

Kellen: 00:09:20

In a new way?

Wendy Feldman: 00:09:22

That is two great questions.

Wendy Feldman: 00:09:25

So.

Wendy Feldman: 00:09:26

And I.

Wendy Feldman: 00:09:27

And I'll tell you my.

Wendy Feldman: 00:09:29

I'll tell you my take on it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:09:31

And I'd love to know your take on it as well, too.

Kellen: 00:09:34

Well, you're.

Kellen: 00:09:34

You're.

Kellen: 00:09:35

This is you.

Kellen: 00:09:36

Your take is all there.

Kellen: 00:09:37

I mean, yes, I'll share, but so please.

Wendy Feldman: 00:09:39

I really feel like.

Wendy Feldman: 00:09:42

Because when you're so conditioned to.

Wendy Feldman: 00:09:45

From growing up, from being a little kid, to always looking for approval, to looking for approval, to getting people to say yes to da, da, da, to not wanting to say no, to not wanting to disappoint to people, please.

Wendy Feldman: 00:09:55

You're so conditioned to that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:09:56

It becomes.

Wendy Feldman: 00:09:57

It's just part of you, right?

Wendy Feldman: 00:09:58

It was part of me.

Wendy Feldman: 00:09:59

It's like.

Wendy Feldman: 00:10:00

But when I.

Wendy Feldman: 00:10:01

So I started writing this, I started this little mantra and I wrote down this thing on a piece of paper one day, and I decorated it and I colored it, made it look really pretty.

Wendy Feldman: 00:10:10

And it was eight years ago, seven years ago that I did this.

Wendy Feldman: 00:10:12

And it's still sitting.

Wendy Feldman: 00:10:13

I have it sitting in my bathroom and I look at it every day.

Wendy Feldman: 00:10:16

And it's basically a mantra.

Wendy Feldman: 00:10:17

That means that I said I'm going to stop saying yes to others when it means saying no to myself, and that I will be okay if I say no and it may disappoint someone, quote, and I say disappoint, I will be okay with that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:10:38

And it will not stop me from doing what I want to do because I'm afraid of disappointing.

Wendy Feldman: 00:10:43

And I wrote that out in.

Wendy Feldman: 00:10:45

In, you know, in my own little words.

Wendy Feldman: 00:10:46

And like I said, I kind of colored it and made it just, you know, and it was this very therapeutic.

Wendy Feldman: 00:10:52

It was a very therapeutic exercise I did because I look, it's there every day as a reminder.

Wendy Feldman: 00:10:57

And so when you ask me now, so that was one big step I took by saying no, I'm going to.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:03

If it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:03

If it means saying no to myself, I'm not going to say yes to others.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:07

And so that was tough.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:09

That was a big.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:09

So that was number one.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:11

But the second part, when you ask the question as, where do you get that validation?

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:15

I have to.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:16

I get.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:17

Give it to myself.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:19

I give it to myself whether it's outside.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:22

When I, you know, I was a huge road cyclist.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:25

I think we talked about this and two of my near deaths were on my.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:28

On my road bike.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:30

So I gave that up.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:31

And that was very challenging for me because that was where I got a lot of my own validation because I was very.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:36

I was very good on the bike, very good cyclist, very fast, successful, and I was fearless.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:43

And that was the one place in my world where I could be me.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:47

I could be me.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:49

And I rode for miles and ever and loved it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:52

And that had.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:53

It was taken away from me from.

Wendy Feldman: 00:11:55

Because of the two accidents that I had and, you know, two traumatic brain injuries.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:00

And that was.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:00

That was it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:01

That was it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:02

The doctor said, no more your head again.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:04

And that's it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:05

And my kids and said, mom, please.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:07

And so I did.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:08

I saw.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:09

I was like, no more bike.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:10

So I'm off.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:11

But I got a peloton and I became a spin instructor.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:13

And so I kind of flip that into, you know, how can I.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:16

How can I use it?

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:17

And when I get on and that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:19

And I give myself the validation, it's we.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:22

You find it in yourself, Colin.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:24

You find it because we all have it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:26

We all have our own special gift.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:28

Everyone has it and it's being.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:30

How to tap into that which is really challenging when you can tap into your own gift and realize you have a gift and she has a gift and he has a gift and they have a gift.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:40

Everyone has Their own gift, then I'm not threatened by that anymore.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:44

I'm not threatened by other people's.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:45

I have my own.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:47

And if you want to love me for that and you like my gift and you want to hear about my gifts and you want to find your own, great, awesome, talk to me, work with me.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:56

And if not, that's okay too.

Wendy Feldman: 00:12:58

That's okay too.

Kellen: 00:13:00

So I just absolutely love that and I want to just agree in specifics for the listeners benefit.

Kellen: 00:13:06

Here you listening.

Kellen: 00:13:08

You have a gift and you may be hearing it and look at her, look at me or somebody else, you know, and think, oh, I wish I was like them.

Kellen: 00:13:14

No, you don't.

Kellen: 00:13:16

What, what you do is you wish you could find your gifts and your own validation in yourself, just like she said, because it's there.

Kellen: 00:13:25

And your willingness to explore and to accept and to truly begin to love yourself.

Kellen: 00:13:31

I love the fact that that's in the bathroom.

Kellen: 00:13:33

One of the things I just did an episode on that'll be out in a while by myself was I, it was like a question, what's on your mirror?

Kellen: 00:13:40

And I talked about writing phrases on your mirror and I use like a dry erase marker, right.

Kellen: 00:13:46

And write them there to see, to live into and to sort of chew on every day that have to do with self love and validation and accepting those gifts.

Kellen: 00:13:56

And so my take is you're exactly right.

Kellen: 00:14:00

Every single person has gifts and to the extent you're willing to accept them, to value them yourself and then to share them, you do create that validation and you realize that between your, the gifts you were given by your creator, like you have them.

Kellen: 00:14:18

And our happiest time is when we're in love and service using those things that we were given.

Kellen: 00:14:23

So that's fabulous.

Wendy Feldman: 00:14:26

Absolutely.

Wendy Feldman: 00:14:27

And sharing it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:14:28

And, and I think when you talk about gifts, you know, one of the things that one of my, one of my careers because after, after I got divorced eight, nine years ago, I had to recreate myself.

Wendy Feldman: 00:14:44

And at age 51 years old, it was like 52 years old.

Wendy Feldman: 00:14:48

I'm 61 now.

Wendy Feldman: 00:14:50

It was how I never thought I'd be in this position.

Wendy Feldman: 00:14:53

You know, I'm like Now I've got three kids, my three amazing children who are in their 20s now.

Wendy Feldman: 00:14:59

How am I going to do this?

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:00

You know, I was pretty much a stay at home mom and I volunteered and did a lot of little things and I had little projects.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:06

But now how am I going to recreate myself?

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:08

And that was when I needed to really dig deep.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:11

And it was not always Easy.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:14

And I made mistakes along the way.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:16

So, you know, no, no, there is no perfect.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:20

And it's the mistakes.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:21

It's how we deal.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:23

We learn from them.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:23

Not beat ourselves up.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:25

We not beat our.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:26

You know, I would beat myself up.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:28

Like, why did I do that?

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:29

Why do you do that?

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:30

I was so dumb.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:30

And no, no, because we try.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:34

You're trying.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:35

Just making the effort.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:36

Honestly, I feel like making an effort sometimes that is good enough.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:41

Like, you're trying.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:42

We're out there.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:43

It's better than doing nothing.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:44

And I say that again with clients when they're talking about things they want to change.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:48

Make.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:49

Just make the attempt.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:50

Because often just that attempt to get over that break, that break that little, you know, that barrier, get over that little hump to make that attempt.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:58

Then you get yourself going.

Wendy Feldman: 00:15:59

You're like, I can do it, I can do it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:16:01

It's baby steps, one step at a time.

Wendy Feldman: 00:16:05

So it's like your goals, you know, making.

Wendy Feldman: 00:16:07

We make goals that are too big.

Wendy Feldman: 00:16:08

It's hard to achieve.

Wendy Feldman: 00:16:09

Make small steps, little steps, little steps.

Wendy Feldman: 00:16:12

And celebrate the win, celebrate the accomplishments.

Wendy Feldman: 00:16:16

Like, hey, I did that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:16:17

I did that one little thing.

Wendy Feldman: 00:16:18

You're like, okay, did it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:16:19

I feel good.

Wendy Feldman: 00:16:20

And then.

Wendy Feldman: 00:16:21

And then you start to.

Wendy Feldman: 00:16:21

And you build that confidence about it.

Kellen: 00:16:24

I love that.

Kellen: 00:16:25

And I would agree with you 100% in the attempt.

Kellen: 00:16:29

You have already won, so you made the attempt and that's it.

Kellen: 00:16:34

I don't care if you had a thought in your mind, I'm going to make this attempt and suddenly I'll be on top of Mount Everest.

Kellen: 00:16:40

And then you find yourself flat in your face at the bottom.

Kellen: 00:16:42

Okay, you still made the attempt, and that by itself is a win.

Kellen: 00:16:47

The loss would be.

Kellen: 00:16:48

And therefore I'm not going to try again.

Kellen: 00:16:51

If the next step is, well, I better get ready and figure out what made me trip here, down here, and I am eating snow.

Kellen: 00:16:58

Let's start over.

Kellen: 00:16:59

What else can I do?

Kellen: 00:17:01

You're already a winner.

Kellen: 00:17:02

Every single person breathing air does that.

Kellen: 00:17:05

So when you recreated yourself, like, okay, you recreated yourself and you said, and it's funny, you said you had this.

Kellen: 00:17:14

All these difficulties and the divorce was in the middle of them.

Kellen: 00:17:17

And there it is, an example of a relationship that maybe you thought you could depend on.

Kellen: 00:17:23

Crashed and burned for whatever reason, and then you find yourself with another mess to clean up.

Kellen: 00:17:29

You have to recreate yourself and figuring out lots of stuff.

Kellen: 00:17:32

So what happened?

Kellen: 00:17:34

Where did you find the resilience, the creativity and the power to do that in the midst of, you know, Those kinds of struggles.

Wendy Feldman: 00:17:45

So how I found that and where I found that was a lot in what I learned from when I had my bike crashes, when I had my first crash.

Wendy Feldman: 00:17:58

And you've been through these things that are traumatic.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:02

I was in the hospital for seven days, and I was on a morphine drip for five days, and da, da, da.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:07

And when you've got a rehab from that, broken bones and traumatic, severe traumatic brain injury where you can't be in a room with light or sound or anything for weeks, right.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:18

You have to train your body to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:25

And I learned that actually when I was cycling with someone.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:28

One time we used to cycle this mountain that was 4, 000ft.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:31

And we would do it a couple times a week.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:33

And it was tough.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:34

I mean, it was hard, that one part.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:35

And I remember someone saying, this is when you got to learn to be.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:38

You get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:40

And I've taken that with me.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:42

That has stuck with me.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:44

And I.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:44

And I'm also a fitness instructor, so I teach bar classes.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:46

I've been teaching for 15 years.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:48

I love that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:49

I love helping people.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:50

I love teaching, love educating, love having fun.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:53

But that's one thing I say to my clients all the time.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:55

When it's.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:55

When you're in that part, it's like, embrace the discomfort.

Wendy Feldman: 00:18:59

And when I was lying in a hospital bed a few years ago from another fall, another.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:04

Not a bike fall, but another mishap, surgical mishap, and had two lung surgeries and they thought I was going to die then.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:11

It was painful.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:13

Painful.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:13

I couldn't breathe.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:14

For 10 days, I could not breathe.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:15

I was on a ventilator.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:16

It was.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:16

It was horrible.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:18

But I remember the times I was awake when I was not on the medic.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:21

You know, I was waking up.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:23

It was like, embrace this discomfort because it's not going to last forever.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:27

I can get through this.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:29

It was the same.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:30

And you.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:30

I can take that pain.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:31

Whether it's.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:31

Whether you're in a hospital bed or whether you're in a.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:34

In a.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:34

You're.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:35

You're at a.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:35

In an event where you don't know anybody and you walk in and you're like, I don't know anyone here.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:41

And it's uncomfortable.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:42

Embrace the discomfort.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:43

Because when you can get comfortable being uncomfortable in any situation, you're on a stage, if you're, da, da, da, whatever, you're in a.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:51

You're in a meeting, you're.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:52

And you're starting to feel uncomfortable, breathe into it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:56

And that's what I Had to do.

Wendy Feldman: 00:19:57

And when I was uncomfortable with friend, with people not being included into parties, that we used to go to social events, and I knew people were having events.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:05

And you get divorced all of a sudden, you know, maybe you're not included in things, and there's.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:09

It's uncomfortable.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:11

It's uncomfortable.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:12

And you embrace it, and you find other.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:14

You adapt.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:16

You find other things to get you through.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:18

And whether it's lying in a hospital bed trying to think about things or soothe my mind or soothe my brain, or listening to meditative tapes, whatever it is, you find ways to embrace discomfort.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:31

And it's a huge message for me is that because when you can, and I know you like a cold plunge or da, da, da, I started doing that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:39

Kellen, I don't do the cold plunge.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:40

I'm not.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:41

I'm not there yet.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:41

I'm like.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:42

That is like, you are my hero.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:45

There is no way but what I have started doing.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:47

Maybe you'll appreciate this.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:49

At the very end of my shower every morning, I turn that thing down so it's cold.

Wendy Feldman: 00:20:55

And I stand there because I also know it's very good for your skin, it's very good for your body to do the cold.

Wendy Feldman: 00:21:03

And I embrace the discomfort.

Wendy Feldman: 00:21:05

And that kicks off my day because it's like, you can get through this.

Wendy Feldman: 00:21:08

You tell you.

Wendy Feldman: 00:21:09

And it's hard you get through, but you can get through the discomfort.

Wendy Feldman: 00:21:12

And that has been huge for me.

Wendy Feldman: 00:21:14

That's been huge.

Wendy Feldman: 00:21:15

So I hope that answered your question.

Kellen: 00:21:18

It does.

Kellen: 00:21:18

And I want to just underline it, agree with it, and emphasize it.

Kellen: 00:21:21

If you, as a listener, whether you are trying to write a book, you're trying to deal with a crappy boss, you're having trouble in your relationship, whether you've got a physical thing, whether you want to lose weight and you've tried 47 times and you can't, whether you're thinking about starting a business, whether you're having trouble with a kid or something, it doesn't matter.

Kellen: 00:21:39

Because when you're.

Kellen: 00:21:40

When something happens to you outside of your control, somebody or something happens, we have two choices.

Kellen: 00:21:46

We can be resigned and say, ugh, I'm defeated.

Kellen: 00:21:51

Or we can say, this hurts.

Kellen: 00:21:54

I'm going to figure out what to do with it and do exactly what she said, which is accept Wendy's teaching.

Kellen: 00:22:02

Embrace it.

Kellen: 00:22:03

This is what.

Kellen: 00:22:04

Is.

Kellen: 00:22:04

What awesomeness can I create out of this mess?

Kellen: 00:22:08

And if the awesomeness is just relax for a minute and get through it.

Kellen: 00:22:11

That's enough awesomeness.

Kellen: 00:22:13

And maybe the next time is get through it a little bit better or a little bit faster.

Kellen: 00:22:17

And then you can start with the creative thought, what actually can I create out of this mess?

Kellen: 00:22:22

So you've had these near death experiences and life threatening things, you've had a divorce, you've had to recreate yourself and you've got comfortable being uncomfortable and you have then created something out of that perceived mess.

Kellen: 00:22:40

So tell us about what you're doing now.

Kellen: 00:22:42

What are you creating and have you created about yourself with yourself in terms of how you express yourself, that authenticity, what you teach, what you share?

Kellen: 00:22:56

Tell us.

Wendy Feldman: 00:22:57

Yeah, yeah.

Wendy Feldman: 00:22:58

So it's, I'm embracing discomfort here because one of the things I am doing is I'm putting myself out there doing more, more reels.

Wendy Feldman: 00:23:09

So, you know, doing the videos and doing those and add and giving my little bit, having it's content, right?

Wendy Feldman: 00:23:14

I'm doing more content creation.

Wendy Feldman: 00:23:16

And that is uncomfortable for me because that is not natural.

Wendy Feldman: 00:23:21

Even though I can go teach a class and have, you know, anywhere from 10 to 23 people in a class and I've been doing it and it's like I can just do it and I love it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:23:29

And the minute I can do it in the back of my head, you could put any playlist on and I'm going to teach a class.

Wendy Feldman: 00:23:34

So comfortable when it comes to filming myself or you know, even for 90 seconds and then having to put it out there to the world.

Wendy Feldman: 00:23:42

Because now I'm putting it out there into the universe and putting it up on social media.

Wendy Feldman: 00:23:46

So it's going out.

Kellen: 00:23:48

The Internet is forever, right?

Kellen: 00:23:50

Forever.

Wendy Feldman: 00:23:51

And it's like, what do we say?

Wendy Feldman: 00:23:52

I think maybe we talked when I talked to you about this before.

Wendy Feldman: 00:23:54

I think it's like it's opening that kimono.

Wendy Feldman: 00:23:57

I'm saying I'm leaving myself vulnerable to what people may say.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:01

You leave yourself vulnerable to.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:03

Are they going to laugh at it?

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:04

Are they going to say that?

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:05

Maybe they will, maybe they will, maybe they'll say, oh my God.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:08

But that's okay because at the same time that's happening, I have other people reaching out to me and saying, I love what you're doing, I love your content.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:17

And I go like, really?

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:19

You know, and they like, I love it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:21

And they're like so much that I have someone who I think might want to work with you.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:24

And that it's.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:26

If I get a few of those great.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:28

Because that if I can change one person's life, that's what I feel.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:34

And I feel that and I know I've done that with my in my teaching, in my classes, because I know how people feel when they tell me after.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:41

And.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:42

And I don't.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:44

I don't look like, oh, look at me, look at me.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:46

Because that's not it, Kellen.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:47

I'm very.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:48

That's not it at all.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:49

But I've had to come through a lot, and I know a lot of people have gone through way, way harder things than me and way worse things than me.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:57

So I'm not putting.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:58

Saying I'm.

Wendy Feldman: 00:24:59

I've gone through this and, wow, I'm like the.

Wendy Feldman: 00:25:01

You know, no, we all have our own struggles.

Wendy Feldman: 00:25:04

But it's like you said, how do you deal with it?

Wendy Feldman: 00:25:06

So what I'm doing now is I'm doing more and more to put myself out there, to get out of obscurity, to.

Wendy Feldman: 00:25:13

If one person hears it and it's.

Wendy Feldman: 00:25:16

And it helps them and saves them from really spiraling into a hole, then I've done my job.

Wendy Feldman: 00:25:22

And then I want it to keep going.

Wendy Feldman: 00:25:24

So I want to do more of those.

Wendy Feldman: 00:25:25

I love being on podcast, so thank you so much for having me on your podcast.

Wendy Feldman: 00:25:29

I want to do more.

Wendy Feldman: 00:25:30

I'd love to be able to speak.

Wendy Feldman: 00:25:32

I am doing workshops, so I do different types of things, and it's little steps, you know, right now, that's where I'm at.

Wendy Feldman: 00:25:42

And so I'm hoping that each thing will.

Wendy Feldman: 00:25:44

It will.

Wendy Feldman: 00:25:45

You know, it'll snowball.

Kellen: 00:25:47

So I'm going to give you a phrase, and you might use it when you help your clients, too.

Kellen: 00:25:54

When people talk about that obscurity and wanting to do more and be more, and people have a natural fear.

Kellen: 00:25:59

I've owned a recording studio for 40 years, and vocalists always say when they hear themselves sing for the first time, I don't sound like that.

Kellen: 00:26:07

And it's.

Kellen: 00:26:08

They do.

Kellen: 00:26:08

And the reason we don't think we do is because when we hear ourselves, half the sound is through our own bone conduction, and other people hear us through the air.

Kellen: 00:26:15

And so when you hear yourself on a recording, that's actually what you sound like, and the rest of it is not.

Kellen: 00:26:20

But anyway, here's the message.

Kellen: 00:26:23

We have to insert a message in the marketplace.

Kellen: 00:26:27

So just save that phrase.

Kellen: 00:26:29

I'm inserting a message in the marketplace.

Kellen: 00:26:32

Here you are.

Kellen: 00:26:33

You're inserting a message in the marketplace that all my podcast listeners and YouTube channel and yours and everybody is going to hear.

Kellen: 00:26:40

And when you teach your clients something, you're teaching it for them.

Kellen: 00:26:43

And then if it changes their life, even in a small way, their life, inserts that message into the marketplace.

Kellen: 00:26:51

It's not just about when you're selling, it's who you're being and who I'm being and you're being every single minute.

Kellen: 00:26:57

We're inserting a message in the world.

Kellen: 00:26:59

But I always say in the marketplace, because when you're thinking about business and growing and coaching and everything else, you really are.

Kellen: 00:27:07

Excuse me, you're inserting a message in the marketplace.

Kellen: 00:27:09

So that's all.

Kellen: 00:27:11

And when you get ready to do a reel or whatever, just say, what message do I want to insert in the marketplace?

Kellen: 00:27:17

What is it?

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:17

That.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:18

Yeah.

Kellen: 00:27:19

And then insert the message in the marketplace.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:22

I love it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:23

I've got the Kellen going in my brain.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:25

All your energy is like, I love it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:26

It's just you do.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:27

You bounce off.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:28

You bounce off the screen, you know, and.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:31

And I wanna.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:32

If.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:33

If I can.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:33

Can I go back to one thing you.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:35

You asked a little earlier as you were saying, insert the mark, insert the message.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:40

You talked about, like, kind of talking about jealousy.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:43

You're, you know, wanting.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:45

Wanting to be like others or saying, oh, I want to do that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:47

And there was a time when I have to say, when I.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:50

I felt like that, like, you want that or you envy or blah, blah, blah.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:55

And a few years ago, my.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:57

One of my daughters.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:58

I have three kids.

Wendy Feldman: 00:27:58

I have two sons and a daughter.

Wendy Feldman: 00:28:00

And one of my kids and I, we were out on a hike, and one of them asked me, they said, are you jealous of anyone?

Wendy Feldman: 00:28:08

And I said, no, you know, I'm really not.

Wendy Feldman: 00:28:12

And it wasn't like I just flat off, I just said, no.

Wendy Feldman: 00:28:15

I just thought, no, I'm really not.

Wendy Feldman: 00:28:17

So come on, mom, there's.

Wendy Feldman: 00:28:18

I said, no, actually, I have to tell you, I said, life has really changed for me.

Wendy Feldman: 00:28:23

I said, because I Look at me now and I know what I have gone through, and I know what I came through.

Wendy Feldman: 00:28:30

And nobody knows like you, unless you've been through it.

Wendy Feldman: 00:28:35

When you've had to lie in a hospital bed for two weeks and not.

Wendy Feldman: 00:28:38

And lying there when no one's in the room and the pain and the nurse won't come in and you're pushing the button and you're in such pain and you're crying and you don't have anyone there with you, no one knows that fear, that pain.

Wendy Feldman: 00:28:52

And when you can get through that and realize how strong you need to be to get through that and how resilient to get through that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:29:00

After all that, I'm like, I know what I'm worth.

Wendy Feldman: 00:29:03

I know what I've got in me and I, I have downsized my life.

Wendy Feldman: 00:29:08

I have removed not just physical things out of my life, but I've removed certain, you know, there's, there's people that we move and we move out of our lives and we have to take that out because that has been freeing to me.

Wendy Feldman: 00:29:21

And if, if it was someone, let's say, oh, yeah, I was envious or maybe then that's.

Wendy Feldman: 00:29:26

Then I don't think that's a healthy relationship.

Wendy Feldman: 00:29:28

So then maybe I need to remove or whatever that is.

Wendy Feldman: 00:29:31

And I'm just saying in general terms, I'm very happy with who I am right now.

Wendy Feldman: 00:29:36

I am very secure and I love what I can then offer other people.

Wendy Feldman: 00:29:40

And I just want.

Wendy Feldman: 00:29:42

There's so many people in the world that I want to be able to have feel that same way because I know that people have been in my shoes.

Wendy Feldman: 00:29:47

I, I know that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:29:48

We know that.

Wendy Feldman: 00:29:49

And I would love to be able to help people to realize you, yourself, as we said, we all have.

Wendy Feldman: 00:29:56

Every humanist planet is a divine being and has a gift to share.

Wendy Feldman: 00:30:01

It's there.

Kellen: 00:30:02

It is, it is.

Kellen: 00:30:03

And I agree with you completely.

Kellen: 00:30:05

And you know, when you make a change and you might remove someone from your life, everything is just for now.

Kellen: 00:30:12

Like right now in this circumstance with what's going on, I got to do this thing.

Kellen: 00:30:17

And they can get pissed off or do whatever they're going to do, that's fine, or they can talk bad about you and what other people think of you is none of your business.

Kellen: 00:30:26

Our goal is to develop everything that we have and can be and then insert it in the marketplace.

Kellen: 00:30:33

Whether it's just for love or for money or for both.

Kellen: 00:30:36

I want to give you right now the chance to tell everybody exactly where to find you, where to follow you.

Kellen: 00:30:42

Where can we see these reels of the messages you're inserting in the marketplace, your website, how to find out what you do so that they can hear more of you and find out, you know, what's going on.

Wendy Feldman: 00:30:56

Yes, absolutely.

Wendy Feldman: 00:30:58

And on that last little note too, everything is for a short term.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:02

Just because things get removed doesn't mean that it can't come back too.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:06

And that's the life is that we all adapt and change.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:09

So if it doesn't work at the time, that's fine.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:12

And it could be a food item, it could be.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:13

It's.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:13

You're for your body.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:14

You're taking something out because you're, you're not feeling good.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:17

But maybe it comes back and that's okay.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:19

Too.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:20

So where you can find me, you can find me on social media if you want, if you're an Instagram follower.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:26

I'm at Wendy Feldman Underscore Wellness, and my website is Wendy Feldman wellness dot com.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:34

And you can find me at really either of those places.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:37

I'm on LinkedIn as Wendy Feldman.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:40

But yeah, I, I'm just, I'm out there.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:42

I'm putting myself out there.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:43

And I'm on TikTok as well.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:45

Just starting on TikTok as I know that younger generation has told me, you gotta be out on TikTok.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:51

So I'm putting myself on TikTok, Kellen.

Wendy Feldman: 00:31:54

I'm getting myself out there.

Kellen: 00:31:56

I love it.

Kellen: 00:31:57

And I want to emphasize to the listeners, you know, I bring people on here that I think have something that I know have something, a gift, an energy, a smile, a story.

Kellen: 00:32:09

And Wendy has all of those things.

Kellen: 00:32:11

And so I would encourage you to take a minute, take 10 minutes, go find some stuff, see what she's done and see how she's adding good to the world.

Kellen: 00:32:21

And then ask yourself, how am I adding good to the world?

Kellen: 00:32:25

Wendy, here's your chance to say anything you forgot or leave us with a final piece of encouragement or message or anything.

Wendy Feldman: 00:32:37

I don't think I forgot anything.

Wendy Feldman: 00:32:38

But what I will say is again, about the gift and again about fear, because fear can hold us back.

Wendy Feldman: 00:32:44

And I have been watching your.

Wendy Feldman: 00:32:46

If you haven't watched Kellen's eight part podcast section set on fear, it's amazing.

Wendy Feldman: 00:32:53

And Kellen, I haven't finished it, but I do want to say to the, to your, to your listeners and to the world, and I don't know if this is in one of your podcasts, but there's an acronym that I have for fear, and maybe you've already put it in there and it's that you can.

Wendy Feldman: 00:33:07

Fear means two things.

Wendy Feldman: 00:33:09

You can face everything and run, or you could face everything and arise.

Wendy Feldman: 00:33:17

And I have chosen to face everything and rise.

Wendy Feldman: 00:33:21

And you can too.

Wendy Feldman: 00:33:22

And as you have, and so can your listeners, and so can the world.

Wendy Feldman: 00:33:26

And we can all make this a very peaceful place to live and exist.

Kellen: 00:33:31

Wendy, thank you for sharing your energy, your love, your heart, your gifts, and your courage with us today.

Wendy Feldman: 00:33:37

Thank you for having me.

Wendy Feldman: 00:33:38

Thank you.

Wendy Feldman: 00:33:38

It's been a total pleasure, my dear.

Kellen: 00:33:42

My dear listeners, I want you to take this seriously.

Kellen: 00:33:44

Listen to it again.

Kellen: 00:33:46

Remember that acronym, Fear is an imaginary thing.

Kellen: 00:33:49

It's, it's just some neurochemistry.

Kellen: 00:33:50

You can't bring me a cup of fear so she's right on all counts.

Kellen: 00:33:54

I can make you a promise.

Kellen: 00:33:55

If you take the things that you have felt in your heart and learned and listened from today, it will help you take steps to move forward to create your ultimate life.

Kellen: 00:34:16

Right now, your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.

Kellen: 00:34:21

Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change change everything.

Kellen: 00:34:27

If you want to know more, go to kellenflukegermedia.com if you want more free tools, go here.

Kellen: 00:34:35

Your Ultimate Life ca subscribe Share.