Episode 128 – Listening – An Art
“So listening is an art. And what does it have to do with creating your ultimate life? Let's go back to the definition like we always do if you don't know how to listen. You may assume things, and one of the things I used to do is assume I could read a situation and know what was needed. And that wasn't very effective for a couple of reasons. One is, there's lots of stuff you don't know, no matter how good you observe. And there's also the relationship damage that it does by not listening.” - Kellan Fluckiger
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What you are about to learn
There could be different ways of pretending to listen. You may acknowledge one person by responding to a simple nod or saying, “yes, I got it.” But you are not listening. You are just skipping that information that is being thrown at you and rejecting it. By doing so, it could lead to a possible misinterpretation. Missing some part of the conversation may lead to a lack of participation, by not participating in the exchange of emotion.
Listen with and listen for. If you are listening to someone, don’t do anything else, don’t look at anything else, and don’t listen to someone else, but focus on the person you are talking to. That way, the person you’re speaking with will feel that he/she is being listened to. Listening with someone is conversing deeply where you are listening with emotion so you can feel. It’s part of the secret of real listening. To put yourself energetically and emotionally in the same place as them. So they feel like you're with them. It's like the feeling you have if someone's talking to you across the table or sitting next to you on the same side as the table. If they're sitting next to you on the same side of the table, they're with you. And you have that feeling. Listening for things, listening for particular phrases or ideas or thoughts, as a coach. I do that a lot. I do all three of them—a lot.
Foundation is love. I’ve talked about love in the past episodes because this is true. We all know that a relationship founded by love is strong. When I'm living in a state of love, and I'm looking forward to, and I'm interested in, and I want the growth and development opportunities of every person I'm talking to, it makes a big difference. Listening to them is easy because why? I'm listening not only to what they're saying, but I'm with them. I want them to grow and expand. I want them to win. I want them to succeed. And that all comes because I've chosen to love each person that I interact with strangers or otherwise.
How can I be the best service? Sometimes we listen to people, you know, polite, rude politeness or polite rudeness or something. You see, we politely are listening, and we don't give a crap. We're there because we don't want to walk away. Or we don't want to be rude. But, if we're pretending to listen, we are rude. Because we're depriving the person on the other side of the interaction of the truth of human experience, so don't do that. If you will provide the best service to someone listen to them heartedly, that way you’d be able to understand and deliver what they need.
Key Takeaways
“Listening is far more than an exchange of information is an exchange of energy, and a relationship exchange. And you know, that might sound woo-woo and weird, but it's true even on the business level. So if you're having a business conversation, and the ethics and integrity and commitment are not part of that exchange, then it will be suspect the information has been shared back and forth. But there will be an asterisk in the mind of those of participating in the conversation about whether or not you understood and are committed.”
“If you listen, if you're listening to someone, then you learn to listen for patterns and unspoken content. It's beyond the words, that are attitudinal or collections of words or similar expressions of ideas. That's listening for stuff. So listening to listening with and listening for is the first piece of this. And learning those different skills will increase your ability to listen and increase your pursuit and achievement of your ultimate Life.”
“Love is the foundation; it is the foundation of learning to listen; it is the foundation of excellent listening. It is the foundation of all of those things that we talked about listening to listening with and listening for.”
Connect with Kellan on your favorite platforms:
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Twitter: https://twitter.com/kellanfluckiger
You can find out more about Kellan and how he can help you achieve your ultimate life by checking out his website.
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