Stop Waiting, Start Living: The Truth About Success & Owning Your Life
Are you truly creating the life you want—or just surviving?
In this powerful episode of Your Ultimate Life, Steve Krivda joins me to talk about the REAL path to success, transformation, and taking full responsibility for your life. If you’ve ever felt stuck, frustrated, or like you’re not reaching your potential, this conversation will change the way you see yourself.
🔥 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✔️ Why motivation is a lie—and what actually drives success.
✔️ How to remove blame and take FULL ownership of your life.
✔️ The secret to building real integrity and trust in yourself.
✔️ How to identify and remove the "masks" holding you back.
✔️ Why true transformation starts with radical self-honesty.
🎯 Want to Create Real Change? Here’s How You Can Take Action:
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Transcript
Welcome to the show.
Speaker A:Tired of the hype about living a dream?
Speaker A:It's time for truth.
Speaker A:This is the place for tools, power, and real talk, so you can create the life you dream and deserve your ultimate life.
Speaker A:Subscribe, share, create.
Speaker A:You have infinite power.
Speaker A:Hey there.
Speaker A:Welcome to this episode of your ultimate life life, the podcast that I created and dedicated just to help you, each of you, create a life of purpose, prosperity, and joy by serving with your divine gifts and your life experience.
Speaker A:And I call that your ultimate life.
Speaker A:Today I'd like to welcome special guest Steve Krivda.
Speaker A:Welcome to the show, Steve.
Speaker B:Thank you, sir.
Speaker B:Definitely an honor to be here with you.
Speaker B:I appreciate your time here.
Speaker B:It's gonna be fun.
Speaker A:Oh, hey, you know what?
Speaker A:I have watched you and seen, you know, the stuff you put up and the videos and the encouragement that you offer people and the wisdom and the truth that comes from your own experience.
Speaker A:And that is so important.
Speaker A:I mean, we live in a world that is difficult unless you're connected to a real purpose.
Speaker A:And I know you're a devoted Christian disciple of Christ, and I appreciate that about you.
Speaker A:Anyway, today we're not going to do religion, although it'll come in a few places somewhere.
Speaker A:But I want to ask you first.
Speaker A:What.
Speaker A:What does Steve do?
Speaker A:And I don't want you to be modest, even though you might be inclined to do that, but what does Steve do to add good to the world?
Speaker B:Man, how much do I love that question.
Speaker A:I want you to just answer it.
Speaker A:What do you do to add good to the world?
Speaker B:You know, it's.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:I was thinking about this earlier when I was on a call with somebody, and I take a stand for the person, you know, and I think that, you know, there's different definitions of what does taking a stand look like.
Speaker B:And one of the interesting things, Kellen and I, and I appreciate your background, as well as coaching and.
Speaker B:And being able to see beyond what people see in themselves is sitting in that place of understanding people's blind spots.
Speaker B:You know, I don't.
Speaker B:I don't know what their blind spots are.
Speaker B:And so we start talking and they start becoming more visible for the person.
Speaker B:You know, I ask enough questions, I help them dive deeper into themselves.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And once we see it, once we see what they want to create in their life, what they want to start building their life out, they start inventing, you know, themselves.
Speaker B:Meaning.
Speaker B:Meaning, you know, pulling their most powerful and best qualities out and what they look like and taking a look at their limitations that they've created and what their powerful beliefs are and what their skills and, and, and now everything about them, you know, doesn't, I don't, I don't differentiate between good and bad.
Speaker B:I'm like, everything's about you.
Speaker B:Is, is there.
Speaker B:So let's see what it looks like.
Speaker B:And then we create something from there.
Speaker B:So when I say I take a stand, I'm not gonna, I, I refuse to allow people to.
Speaker B:Of course, everybody's individually, so the conversation is different for each person.
Speaker B:But I refuse to allow someone to create a dream that they want, something that, a life that they're looking to create for themselves.
Speaker B:I refuse to allow that to go to the side and allow that dream to die with them at the end of their life.
Speaker A:What.
Speaker A:So, so the question was, how do you add good to the world?
Speaker A:And by taking a stand for people that you talk to, helping them identify, clarify and articulate a dream that they have and then encouraging them, refusing to allow that to just sort of go to the back burner and then go into the bin of yesterday's news.
Speaker A:You have, you have changed.
Speaker A:Or you at least offer the opportunity for them to change their life and to create that dream that they had so that I understand that and I love that and thank you for being that person.
Speaker A:Tell me what else you do.
Speaker A:Not that that isn't powerful and good, but I'm curious.
Speaker A:Everybody's got multifaceted things.
Speaker A:And you know, when we breathe, we add carbon dioxide to the world and we can also choose what else we add.
Speaker A:So I use the phrase add good to the world because, you know, tell me what else you do that adds good to the world.
Speaker B:Well, I think.
Speaker B:And thank you for expanding.
Speaker B:You know, it's, that's.
Speaker B:I realized after I said it out loud, it's like a very, it's very book written response I gave you.
Speaker B:And you know, when I take a look at.
Speaker B:As you were talking, how do you add good?
Speaker B:It's living the character that I talk about, you know, being, being that, you know, being a man of integrity, being an authentic person and just showing up, you know, I'm, you know, one of the things we talk about often in my house, you know, Danielle and I have, Danielle's my wife.
Speaker B:We have some pretty deep conversations.
Speaker B:It's really interesting.
Speaker B:And we talk about, you know, what is it that when we're dead and gone, what's the legacy that we leave?
Speaker B:And I don't believe in money legacies.
Speaker B:I mean, they're cool.
Speaker B:Having your name on a hospital is nice or on a Park bench is kind of cool, but that hospital could burn down and then people forget about you.
Speaker B:But what's, what are you leaving behind as far as qualities, characteristics, habits and, and, and, and, and so forth.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:You know, so what, in adding the good into the world, it's, you know, how am I going to impact somebody that's going to impact somebody else?
Speaker B:You know, am I living that?
Speaker B:Am I being a hypocrite?
Speaker B:Am I being open, honest and, and vulnerable with people and just allowing them to see, you know, this person on the outside that does cold plunges and goes to the gym every day?
Speaker B:Or am I allowing the person to see my ups and downs in life?
Speaker B:You know, I, I struggle too.
Speaker B:I, I run into roadblocks all the time.
Speaker B:You know, so it's allowing people to be normal.
Speaker B:Like, yeah, you're, you're, if you're up to something in life, you're gonna butt up against something.
Speaker B:So congratulations for that.
Speaker B:That's a breakdown.
Speaker B:It's awesome.
Speaker B:I love breakdowns.
Speaker B:I celebrate them almost as much as I do celebrate breakthroughs.
Speaker B:So when I talk, when you talk about, you know, where do we go beyond that?
Speaker B:How do we, how do we, how do we expand out?
Speaker B:Well, it's, it's the, it's in the giving and the serving of it.
Speaker B:You know, One of the, one of the coolest questions you asked me on our very first conversation, I think we were about three minutes into the talk, you said, how can I love on you today?
Speaker B:And I was like, oh, I love that question, dude.
Speaker B:I was like, I don't even know how to answer that.
Speaker B:I'm like, let's just start talking.
Speaker B:And you know, I think that's, it's a really powerful place to be because, And I'm going off on a side tangent here, so I'll pause after this note, is that, you know, I think that we have, as a society, we have a hard time loving on each other for, for multiple different spaces of reasons and all that kind of validations.
Speaker B:And so when you ask that question, it's very, it can some, it can cause a lot of resistance, but it opens up a whole plethora of man, that's, man, this, this call's really going to be about me, you know, how can you love on me?
Speaker B:What, what's missing from my life?
Speaker B:That Kellen's love respect conversation, you know, who he is?
Speaker B:How is he going to pour into me today?
Speaker B:It's like, man, I really have to take a self reflection on this.
Speaker B:And it's just A really neat place to be.
Speaker B:So when, when you said that, I took that to heart and no pun intended, and, and I actually use that in my conversations.
Speaker B:I think I love it.
Speaker A:I, I, you know, some of the things I ask people, how can I love you today?
Speaker A:And I mean it with all my heart.
Speaker A:And the other thing I ask is, what do we need to do to create a miracle for you today?
Speaker A:And that's even if I've got a 30 minute call that I've never talked to him before, I'll just open with that and say, you know, I know, I know this much about you, but what would be a miracle that we could create today?
Speaker A:And often people are sort of confused by that and occasionally someone will just stop and they'll think about it and they'll hear it like it was intended and they'll say some stuff.
Speaker A:And then in 30 minutes, it's amazing what you can, what you can create.
Speaker A:So I'm going to ask you a little bit more.
Speaker A:You said you refuse to let people's dreams fall off to the side, go to the back burner and disappear.
Speaker A:Do you hold that space for yourself?
Speaker A:Do you hold that intention and power for you that you refuse to let your dreams go off to the back burner and into yesterday's news?
Speaker B:I have in the past, no question at all and, you know, one of one.
Speaker B:And so to answer the question, there could be things that I don't know.
Speaker A:I'm sure there's things all of us don't know.
Speaker A:So that's, that's not news.
Speaker B:I'm talking about the stuff that's swirling around.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:The don't know.
Speaker B:The don't know is the big part of it.
Speaker B:But you know, I, I do believe that I'm walking into that space now where I'm, I'm loving on Steve, which is pretty cool.
Speaker A:I'm so excited about that because, you know, before we were talking about the best gift you can give yourself or to give the world, like to make the most difference, make the most money, have the most fun, is to share the story of how you got where you are.
Speaker A:Because that's the story of your own power, your own ascension into understanding and growth.
Speaker A:And the best thing you can give yourself is to just flat out love yourself.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Like full on.
Speaker A:Like God would love his creation.
Speaker A:And if we do less than that, we're certainly not developing ourselves as much as we could and we certainly are not doing what God intended.
Speaker A:I think, I don't know, what do you think about that?
Speaker B:No question at all.
Speaker B: that I heard back in probably: Speaker B:It's loving for all that you are and all that you're not.
Speaker B:It's that full love.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:You know, because it's easy to say, well, I love all these great things about me, and I hate this part about me.
Speaker B:It's like, well, you're all you.
Speaker B:Everything about you is who you are.
Speaker B:I see you laughing.
Speaker A:Well, it's the same.
Speaker A:We are who we are.
Speaker A:And that includes all the shitstorm that has happened before, during, and after.
Speaker A:And nobody falls up this mountain.
Speaker A:You didn't get there without sloshing through the swamp and maybe crawling over broken glass.
Speaker A:When people tell me about, you know, my story and they hear stuff that I've been through, and it's like, oh, I don't have anything like that.
Speaker A:That doesn't have anything to do with anything.
Speaker A:You have created yourself on purpose.
Speaker A:And the things that you have done to do that, the choices you have made are what makes you.
Speaker A:So I'm going to ask you about that.
Speaker A:You are a person that's dedicated.
Speaker A:You just told me you've got a new situation where you're going to go help a company grow by instilling encouragement, love, values, coaching.
Speaker A:All that good Stu.
Speaker A:Pouring it on him.
Speaker A:Tell me what happened in Steve's life that makes this.
Speaker A:The desire of his heart to hold this space for people to begin more, to hold it for yourself.
Speaker A:Like, you didn't fall up that mountain.
Speaker A:What happened to bring you there?
Speaker B:To where I am right now?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, I.
Speaker B:I would like to pinpoint one actual space, but it's where I.
Speaker B:It's where I found myself, be honest with you.
Speaker B:And, you know, it was really interesting.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:I've been in pro.
Speaker B:I really have got more into personal development, probably around 06 time, but I kind of dabbled in it.
Speaker B:I was like, oh, this is good stuff and all that, you know.
Speaker B:You know, when you first pick up a book, I'm like, oh, this is great for somebody, right?
Speaker A:Yeah, for somebody.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:For somebody else, this is awesome.
Speaker B: And I remember in: Speaker B:And in the sense of society's parameter of happiness, you could probably say I was.
Speaker B:I had a house, you know, I had Danielle and were married.
Speaker B:We had two boys.
Speaker B:We had a dog and a cat.
Speaker B:I mean, we are the.
Speaker B:The epitome of what the house looks like.
Speaker A:Sure.
Speaker B:And then I really opened up my life and I'm like, well, I don't even know who I am like, so how can I be happy?
Speaker B:And so I started questioning that because I felt like there was something missing in my heart and I couldn't pinpoint it.
Speaker B:And I started looking at, well, I've been living this life of, I say inauthenticity.
Speaker B:So what I mean by that is all the different masks I was wearing in front of all these different people that I was around, you know, as a husband, mask, dad, mask, worker mask, I could go on for ages and talk about them all.
Speaker B:And I'm like, so, you know, what am I, what am I hiding?
Speaker B:I'm hiding from something.
Speaker B:Who am I hiding from?
Speaker B:And I was hiding from myself.
Speaker B:You know, I didn't.
Speaker B:I was so afraid of what people saw, what people would see up here, the thoughts that I was having about myself, that on the outside I'm in this in shape guy and married to a beautiful woman and have great kids.
Speaker B:And on the inside I was full of insecurities and fear and doubt and worries and just did not, not great thoughts.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And I started looking at it, I'm like, well, what has me so dishonest with myself that I was basically lying to everybody around me?
Speaker B:And when I looked in the wake, you know, I talk about the wake of the boat, when I looked at the wake of people that I left behind me, I'm like, look at all the people that I've hurt by not being the person that I am.
Speaker B:And look at the disservice to your question earlier.
Speaker B:Look at the disservice I'm doing to the world by being that person.
Speaker B:So I went on a.
Speaker B:I went on a very strong self reflection of like, well, who am I?
Speaker B:You know, who's Steve?
Speaker B:And what I realized was there's not a whole lot to it.
Speaker B:I'm just an open, honest, vulnerable guy that just wants to serve people and, and create something awesome with somebody else, you know.
Speaker B:And I feel like that that's what God created me to do.
Speaker B:So when I saw that, I'm like, man, so how many people are just like me?
Speaker A:A zillion.
Speaker B:Yeah, it was all of us, right?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:At some level, you know, a little, a lot.
Speaker A:We're all on this never ending journey to experience this spiritual life in a skin bag with lack of memory from what happened before.
Speaker A:To learn and to make choices about who we're going to be in this world, how we're going to show up and what we're going to do.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:So what did you do?
Speaker B:I wanted to know what made me happy and Sad.
Speaker B:What made me laugh and angry.
Speaker B:What was these.
Speaker B:We call them triggers, which is one of my least favorite words in the world.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So what was I blaming?
Speaker B:Who was I blaming for the person that I was?
Speaker B:And I started looking at, well, how am I responsible for me?
Speaker B:Not that I was an irresponsible person, but I wasn't responsible for the person that I was being in the moment.
Speaker B:It was constantly blaming everything and everyone else for who I was.
Speaker B:And I was looking for all these outside things, for happiness and love.
Speaker B:And I was looking for my wife to love me instead of just loving her and allowing the love to be the what it is.
Speaker B:And when I started looking at this stuff, I looked at all the systems that I created in my life to validate, excuse, and reason myself to pieces, to just act however I felt like acting, no matter what who it impacted in a negative way.
Speaker B:It didn't really matter if I needed to lie, cheat, steal to get what I wanted.
Speaker B:It was one of those things that was constantly running through my mind.
Speaker B:I'm like, how did I get here?
Speaker B:Goodness gracious.
Speaker A:And thank you for saying that, because that question, how did I get here?
Speaker A:Is the beginning of the thing we were talking about before.
Speaker A:Because when you've addressed that, and I want you to keep going and tell me how you did, because then you're not here anymore.
Speaker A:You're here.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:And so going through that is the important crux of how did I get here?
Speaker A:And make some choices about, I don't want to stay here and get here, so keep going.
Speaker A:You said, how did I get here?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So how I got there was.
Speaker B:It was a big, giant hiding game for me.
Speaker B:It was constantly hiding.
Speaker B:I was just hiding myself.
Speaker B:And so the first thing I had to get checked was.
Speaker B:And I remember the day that it happened.
Speaker B:I was in a summit somewhere, and they were talking about integrity, and I'm like, yeah, doing the right thing when, you know, when nobody's looking.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Yeah, I got that right.
Speaker B:And when I really dove into integrity and what it looked like in my life, I had zero of it.
Speaker B:Bless you.
Speaker B:And when I take it, when I.
Speaker B:When I look at that, that was probably the.
Speaker B:The epicenter of the challenge that I was dealing with is that, you know, I.
Speaker B:I grew up in a small town in New Jersey, and it was, don't trust anybody, because if you do, they're going to take advantage of you.
Speaker B:And if they're nice, they're probably there to get something from you.
Speaker B:So, like, imagine this.
Speaker B:This person that you see right now that just loves everybody.
Speaker B:How.
Speaker B:How convoluted of a thought process that is and how it worked.
Speaker B:I was trying to live my life that way when it goes against everything that I am.
Speaker A:So then what you said.
Speaker A:I have no integrity, meaning authenticity, meaning I have no either courage or willingness just to be who I am.
Speaker A:So I always got to have this overlay that is situationally appropriate.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:That's big.
Speaker B:You just nailed it right there.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And so what I thought was, when I sat there, I think I.
Speaker B:I probably broke down the tears on and off for about three or four days for a multitude of reasons.
Speaker B:One of how I treated the people in my life that I love the most, and I'll get into that in a moment.
Speaker B:And then also how I was treating myself.
Speaker B:I had no chance for anything great in my life because of.
Speaker B:Of the way I was being.
Speaker B:And I think what was interesting about it, Kellen, is that no matter what I was doing, how I was acting towards other or myself, I could prove myself right so well, that it didn't matter if I was right or wrong.
Speaker B:I would just outlast the person until they just gave up.
Speaker B:And I'd be like, yeah, of course, because I'm right.
Speaker B:It was terrible how I treated people.
Speaker B:And so that's the beginning of it.
Speaker B:Once I started going down that path, I had a lot of conversations to have, and it wasn't I acted this way because you said or did or acted back.
Speaker B:It was.
Speaker B:I acted this way, and I.
Speaker B:And I'm.
Speaker B:From our conversation here, I realized that there was some damage done.
Speaker B:And I just want to say I'm sorry and just owning it.
Speaker B:Just owning it, no matter what they said.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's just what happened.
Speaker A:So when you started doing that, that took.
Speaker A:I mean, that change is a realization, the execution and habitizing, creating a habit and creating a being around that takes some time.
Speaker A:How long?
Speaker A:I know we're never done with that journey, but how long did it take you before that sort of new being was institutionalized in your way of being instead of being something you had to go find quick?
Speaker B:Oh, man.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Find it quickly, Right?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Oh, no, no, no.
Speaker A:I'm supposed to do.
Speaker A:Yeah, no, wait a minute.
Speaker A:You know, before that kind of went.
Speaker B:Away, I'm my old self again.
Speaker B:Damn it.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:You know, it was a.
Speaker B:When I realized something really powerful.
Speaker B:And I know you know this, but whoever's listening to this, I have this pen here, and this is one of one.
Speaker B:This is built.
Speaker B:This was constructed.
Speaker B:A client bought this for me, the guy he knew built this from the redwoods of California.
Speaker A:Oh, cool.
Speaker B:And I was like, wow, this is amazing.
Speaker B:So, like, you can imagine how much meaning I have in this pen.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:But if I were to hand it to you and didn't tell you the story, be like, hey, here.
Speaker B:You'd be like, oh, hey, this writes really nice.
Speaker B:And you probably put in your desk or maybe use it from the time to time.
Speaker B:And I use that because the meaning.
Speaker B:When I realized the meaning I was putting into things and when I realized.
Speaker B:And this is a challenging statement for people to receive because it took me quite a while to understand it, was that how meaningless, meaningless our life really is.
Speaker B:Because if you strip away the meaning we put on it, you know what's really left?
Speaker B:It's like not.
Speaker B:Not a whole lot of anything but everything that we have, you know, you look behind me, there's a.
Speaker B:There's so much meaning on these shelves.
Speaker B:Like, we could spend the rest of the time talking about the meaning from individual things, but if you come into my house, you wouldn't know.
Speaker B:Be like, oh, cool.
Speaker B:He must like Rocky, whatever.
Speaker A:Sure.
Speaker B:But they don't know that.
Speaker B:I got that two years ago from our youngest son, because he knows what a kind of a fan I am of Rocky and what.
Speaker B:What that.
Speaker B:That.
Speaker B:That Persona has done in my life of always get back up.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:So you see all the meaning in it, right?
Speaker B:Well, when I realized the meaning that I was putting into things, I had to take a look and like, where did I.
Speaker B:That's an interesting.
Speaker B:I love this statement.
Speaker B:I say this to my questions, my clients and myself is.
Speaker B:That's an interesting belief.
Speaker B:I'm curious, you know, where did that come from?
Speaker B:So I had to analyze, you know, who am I?
Speaker B:What built me, the beliefs that I have that are not bringing me closer to happiness and joy and greatness in my life.
Speaker B:It's like, well, where did I come up with that belief?
Speaker B:And who did I adopt it from?
Speaker B:And what opinion created that for me?
Speaker B:So I started looking down, going down all this journey.
Speaker B:And then, you know, it was really funny because when I looked at my beliefs, this is where my righteousness came in.
Speaker B:I didn't really care what you believe.
Speaker B:This is my belief.
Speaker B:You have to believe what I believe, or we're going to argue about it until you either give up or get on board with me.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:It's terrible.
Speaker B:I look back and I'm glad I can laugh now, but it was horrible.
Speaker B:So how long did it take?
Speaker B:Completeness is what I Talk about, okay.
Speaker B:And when I say completeness, it's not as important as understanding where we're incomplete.
Speaker B:And the incompleteness I had with all the people that I love the most in my life.
Speaker B:I had a conversation with several of them, and there were multiples of them to let you understand where I was that said, this is great, Steve.
Speaker B:Love it.
Speaker B:We're going to see how long this lasts.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:And so.
Speaker B:And I can't blame them because I created that life for them to see me as.
Speaker B:And you know what was interesting, Kellen?
Speaker B:It took me several months to create these new thought habits because I constantly felt myself being pulled back into the person that I was.
Speaker B:And I could feel it coming.
Speaker B:Like, I could feel this angst coming from me in the conversation, like, oof.
Speaker B:And I would have to stop.
Speaker B:Can you give me, like, a moment?
Speaker B:I said, I need to gather my thoughts.
Speaker B:And it wasn't that.
Speaker B:I'm getting ready to freaking launch a diatribe that's going to blow your.
Speaker B:Your mind and you're going to hate me for the rest of your life.
Speaker B:It was like, I need to gather my thoughts for a moment here.
Speaker B:Or I would blurt something out.
Speaker B:I was very good at being passive aggressive, so I would just.
Speaker B:I blurt something out and I'd be like, ah.
Speaker B:And I would say, man, that was probably hurtful, and I'm so sorry that came out.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:That's something I'm.
Speaker B:I'm looking to.
Speaker B:To get a hold of.
Speaker B:What I really meant was what you said hurt my feelings.
Speaker B:Sorry about that.
Speaker B:And just being really honest and brutally honest and just no matter what they say back has nothing to do with me being clear with them.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Yeah, that was a.
Speaker B:That was a rough.
Speaker B:That was.
Speaker B:That was a rough several.
Speaker B:Several months.
Speaker B:And then probably about a year and a half is when.
Speaker B:When people really started saying, okay, you know, it's been long enough.
Speaker B:I can let Steve back in my life.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:I can see that he's making this effort to change.
Speaker A:Well, that's fabulous.
Speaker A:And I know, because I know this process and you that.
Speaker A:That just keeps going from there.
Speaker A:In other words, the continued examination, looking at more things.
Speaker A: changes in my life started in: Speaker A:I didn't start till I was 52, so I understand how that goes.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I noticed how difficult it was to do alone, you know, and to.
Speaker A:The needing support and coaching.
Speaker A:I mean, we're both coaches, so that kind of thing.
Speaker A:What were the important Things to help you stop pretending.
Speaker A:So we're talking here about creating your ultimate life.
Speaker A:Life you love.
Speaker A:You love to get up to every day and you love everything about it.
Speaker A:What were the important things that you needed to get in your life and around you to support that growth?
Speaker A:Because people are going to be asking, okay, wow, that's a lot of work.
Speaker A:And how did you do that?
Speaker A:So what were the important pieces?
Speaker B:Okay, beautiful.
Speaker B:So there's several things.
Speaker B:Let me, let me just take a note.
Speaker B:So I don't, I don't leave anything out.
Speaker B:So the first one was coaching.
Speaker B:I got a coach immediately.
Speaker B: first, my first coach was in: Speaker B:I had him for a little while and then I ended up.
Speaker B:I just, I don't remember the last time, except for recently.
Speaker B:I remember last time I didn't have a coach in my life.
Speaker B:And even now I have two.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:So it's, you know, that was one of the thing one in structure.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:And the structure is not as important as how much the structure lines up with where you're going, you know, so me waking up in the morning at, you know, 20 to 5 to get up and get the boys ready for school and work out and pray together and all that kind of stuff is not as important as what we're looking to create with ourselves.
Speaker B:You know, do I want to be in great shape?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Love it.
Speaker B:When my wife looks at me, it's kind of awesome.
Speaker B:But it's, it's more about, you know, what am I doing for the, for the, for the boys.
Speaker B:So, like, understanding what has me get up changes the whole thing.
Speaker B:And I think that's awesome.
Speaker B:However, one of the things that, and you probably have come across this before at least once and said sarcastically is, you know, if I had more motivation and I was inspired more, I would X.
Speaker B:And I'm like, well, or if they were more committed, you know, just choose your word, plug it in.
Speaker B:That's missing from their life.
Speaker B:Otherwise they would have the life of their dreams.
Speaker B:And I'm like, well, if you're waiting for somebody to motivate you, good luck.
Speaker B:That doesn't last long.
Speaker B:If you're waiting to be inspired, that's awesome too.
Speaker B:That's not going to last long either.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker B:If you have a commitment, you're probably, you know, oh, geez, here's something else I have to do in my life or this is going to be hard or whatever, Whatever negative connotation we put on the word commitment.
Speaker B:I had to actually become the person, you know, I'm not Somebody that, that has to get up in the morning.
Speaker B:I'm just the guy that wakes up.
Speaker B:I just.
Speaker B:It's part of the person I decided to become.
Speaker B:So instead of having the commitments, it's about becoming what that commitment is.
Speaker B:And that comes down to, you know, motivation.
Speaker B:Inspiration is beautiful.
Speaker B:However, it comes back to the same.
Speaker B:How we first started this part of the conversation was integrity.
Speaker B:You know, am I keeping my word to myself?
Speaker B:And if I'm not, something got in the way, I can beat myself up over it, which I'm an expert at.
Speaker B:Or I can take a look at, you know, what got in the way with that.
Speaker B:And what can I.
Speaker B:I need to acknowledge it and clean it up.
Speaker B:And then I can get to restructure my word.
Speaker B:And then.
Speaker B:Okay, so is this one going to work?
Speaker B:Is this structure going to work?
Speaker B:You know, my alarm used to sit next to my bed, like, nope, that's within fingers distance.
Speaker B:I can snooze that one all day long.
Speaker B:So I know with me, a structure is taking my phone and putting it in my bathroom.
Speaker B:So when it beeps at 20 to 5, I get up out of bed and instantaneously I turn it off, grab my toothbrush and I start brushing my teeth.
Speaker B:That's my very first thing when I first wake up in the morning.
Speaker B:And that starts the ball rolling.
Speaker B:I don't know how we got here, but I'll stop.
Speaker A:No, that's okay.
Speaker A:Because the important thing you said that I want to reiterate is I'm going to say it a little differently.
Speaker A:When we have a goal, we're here and we want to get here.
Speaker A:It doesn't matter if it's money or physical shape or relationship or whatever.
Speaker A:And we try to do things differently.
Speaker A:And that motivation, that willpower, all that stuff, it ends up being a white knuckle ride.
Speaker A:And we hope that if we force ourselves to, quote, do something long enough, we'll get used to it and it won't be so bad.
Speaker A:And the truth is, from the place of being, the doing becomes trivial.
Speaker A:And by don't mean to trivialize, but I mean simple, from the place.
Speaker A:And that phrase came to me in a very intense way that's not part of this story, but from the place of being.
Speaker A:So if that's who I am, like God doesn't have to remind himself to be kind because he is.
Speaker A:He doesn't have to remind himself to love us, because he is.
Speaker A:And so, and we're not divine yet, but we're working in that direction.
Speaker A:And if so, if we Stop trying to say, I'm going to do this and say, who do I have to be?
Speaker A:So that.
Speaker A:That's the natural way.
Speaker A:Forgiveness, kindness, encouragement, taking a stand for somebody out of love, not because I'm going to cram this down your throat.
Speaker A:And so you said those words, and I'm just agreeing with you in waxing a little poetic.
Speaker A:But anyway, so tell me about that.
Speaker A:That is true.
Speaker A:And adjusting the structure, putting an arm over there, or et cetera, et cetera is, you know, just interesting data point.
Speaker A:I do this to make it more natural and more fluid while I'm still training my being, because ultimately, if I'm that person, then I don't even care if the alarm's one inch from my face.
Speaker A:That's who I am.
Speaker A:Alarm goes off, I this.
Speaker A:I am this.
Speaker A:But while we're still learning, we do these other things, and that's fine.
Speaker A:We have a gym partner.
Speaker A:We have a accountability buddy.
Speaker A:We have whatever.
Speaker A:And so those are just tools to help us with that thing.
Speaker A:So tell me, tell us that.
Speaker A:That's a fascinating set of things.
Speaker A:And the outcome that we're looking for is, you know, purpose, prosperity, and joy.
Speaker A:So how would you describe.
Speaker A: You said in: Speaker A:Tell me about you today.
Speaker A:Where are you today?
Speaker B:I would say I'm free, you know, and I.
Speaker B:I don't use that word lightly, you know, and there are moments when I see calm, the chains, right?
Speaker B:We have those chains that we carry.
Speaker B:We're pulling the boat behind us, or however you want to describe it.
Speaker B:There's moments when I see that come back.
Speaker B:And, you know, as human beings, I believe that we're very automatic.
Speaker B:We're incredibly predictable.
Speaker B:And so we start paying attention to what's going on.
Speaker B:And when I say predictable is like those words that those are.
Speaker B:There were certain words in my life that you said them to me, and I am.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:I don't remember what happened afterwards.
Speaker B:Like, really just unfortunate things and, you know, or if.
Speaker B:If somebody is.
Speaker B:This is one of my favorites, Kellen, is that if I felt as though somebody was challenging my intelligence, I would automatically show up as incredibly aggressive and wouldn't even know it was happening.
Speaker B:Had no idea this was going on.
Speaker B:I didn't know how these cycles and these patterns are showing up in my life.
Speaker B:So when I look at myself now, I am.
Speaker B:And this is you Might, if somebody's listening like that sounds like a lot of stuff to do.
Speaker B:It really isn't, you know, I'm constantly checking in with myself.
Speaker B:You know, if, you know, I check in with myself around 10 o'clock in the morning, I do 10, noon, 2 and 4.
Speaker B:It's when my, my stuff goes off of my phone just as a reminder to keep myself, you know, hey, what time is it?
Speaker B:And, you know, I do a check in before Danielle and the boys get home at 4:00.
Speaker B:And when I do that, I'm just saying, you know, how are you feeling?
Speaker B:And I just ask myself the question.
Speaker B:I'm like, well, it's a really good question.
Speaker B:I feel pretty darn good right now.
Speaker B:Or is there anything I need?
Speaker B:No, I'm all right.
Speaker B:However, where I look at myself is that because I'm a human being, I like to say I'm perfect and everything's always so awesome and pretty and roses are floating around my mind.
Speaker B:But that's not the case, man.
Speaker B:I'm a human being.
Speaker B:We deal with life.
Speaker B:And so, like, when frustration shows up and I look at it, I'm able to create a distinction of, all right, so what do I think should or shouldn't be right now?
Speaker B:Or what am I, what am I looking to prove right or wrong or, or how am I, how am I creating a distinction that's creating this frustration for me instead of looking at it for exactly what it is without my meaning on it?
Speaker B:And I think that's, you know, when I look at myself now, it's just addressing those things because I don't really remember the last time I was angry or furious or, you know, and if I am angry, this is an interesting thought, is I see it and then instead of it just being an automatic reaction, I'm like, yeah, you know what?
Speaker B:I think I am kind of mad about that.
Speaker B:And I choose mad instead of just being this maniac, so to speak.
Speaker A:Well, you know the phrase, a buzzword in the personal development industry is we create our lives.
Speaker A:We literally call art of it into our all part of our experience into existence.
Speaker A:And you've said that by the meaning we establish, things are just things.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Shakespeare said something like, nothing's ever good or bad unless we think it's so.
Speaker A:And I'm terribly paraphrasing, but whatever.
Speaker A:And we do literally create that.
Speaker A:So tell, tell us.
Speaker A:So you are, you're happy?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Are you happy?
Speaker A:Like a little.
Speaker A:40%, 70%, 92.7%.
Speaker A:How much do you feel like you really Are living the life you want.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I would say there are, I mean, other things missing.
Speaker B:That would be cool.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:But it doesn't affect me in the way of my happiness.
Speaker B:I could say I'm happy a very vast majority of the time.
Speaker A:That's so important.
Speaker A:People, they have this I'll be happy when sort of disease.
Speaker A:And I have names for things.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:I'll be happy when disease.
Speaker A:And when you were talking earlier about all the masks, I named that too.
Speaker A:I call it wittot.
Speaker A:W I T O T.
Speaker A:The Wittot Disease.
Speaker A:And I created that acronym at the beginning of the pandemic because Covid, you know, everybody was worrying about, I don't know, is this Armageddon or whatever.
Speaker A:And I created this WITOT disease and said it kills more people than Covid ever will.
Speaker A:And people always say, well, what's that?
Speaker A:And it's what I think, others think.
Speaker A:Oh, right.
Speaker A:And the WITOT fungus.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Writing it down.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:You know, we have these diseases and we are, you know, I say to people, you're infected with witot.
Speaker A:What's that?
Speaker A:What I think others think.
Speaker A:And, you know, at the end of the day, we create our life.
Speaker A:We came into this world with nothing.
Speaker A:We're going to leave with nothing.
Speaker A:And the only thing we're going to present back to our creator is what we've made of ourselves.
Speaker A:That's it, you know, and there's going to be nothing else that we take what we've made of ourselves anyway.
Speaker A:So tell us how you offer things.
Speaker A:Like, I know you're a coach.
Speaker A:I know you said you've just now gotten a larger kind of gig that you're doing with somebody, but what do you offer?
Speaker A:How do you help people?
Speaker A:Those people that you hold, and you won't let their dreams slip off the table.
Speaker A:What do you do?
Speaker B:I do a multitude of different things depending on where the person is, you know, obvious.
Speaker B:I don't, I do my best not to let the financial part of it burden it.
Speaker B:So I always create something for somebody.
Speaker B:So, So I have a multitude of different tools, but one of the things I just, you know, very incredibly similar to what you do.
Speaker B:I, I, I said, you know, what do you want?
Speaker B:Like, I just asked them.
Speaker B:They're just a question, and we have a conversation.
Speaker B: a Maxwell conference back in: Speaker B:And we can, you know, you can pick up a book, and you can get all kinds of really great advice.
Speaker B:However, now, how great are we at receiving advice?
Speaker B:I mean, we, we look for the advice that's going to go along with our own beliefs most of the time.
Speaker B:And so I don't give advice.
Speaker B:I don't really want to give advice because I don't have to know everything because.
Speaker B:And I don't.
Speaker B:And I obviously do not.
Speaker B:However, in those, in those conversations, it's not me talking all the time.
Speaker B:It's me asking questions like, well, what do you want?
Speaker B:All right, cool.
Speaker B:So, you know, one of the things you asked me, and I remember this stuff because I, I implement right away, and it's like, well, why didn't you have it?
Speaker B:Not, you know, what do you need to get there?
Speaker B:It's like, well, why don't you already have it?
Speaker B:What's missing?
Speaker B:Like, well, this is missing.
Speaker B:All right, cool.
Speaker B:Well, what's going on there?
Speaker B:Well, I don't really know.
Speaker B:Well, if you had to guess, what do you think?
Speaker B:Like, so, like, you're just kind of like moving through the questions and kind of allowing that person to really address themselves and go, I've been feeding myself a whole bunch of excuses.
Speaker B:That's why I've been doing.
Speaker B:I'm like, oh, awesome, man.
Speaker B:Congratulations.
Speaker B:That's massive.
Speaker B:So now what?
Speaker B:Like, having that conversation there, man, it's one of my most.
Speaker B:It's one of my most favorite.
Speaker B:You can call it exploration, discovery, label, it really doesn't matter what it is, is a really powerful conversation to help somebody create something that they want, not create something different, but create something.
Speaker A:I'm going to give you a thought about how to think of that.
Speaker A:When you, when you're holding them with an eye to their possibility, you do it through the lens, the same lens that I do, and that is that they're a divine being.
Speaker A:They were created with a purpose, and any negativity in their life is something they've invented.
Speaker A:And so the thought is, what can we do in this conversation to change the frame, to eliminate the dirt on the lens or whatever metaphor you want to, you know, eliminate the stuff that's quote in the way or sabotage and all the regular words.
Speaker A:But the truth of what you're doing, Steve, is you're just loving them the way that the Creator would love us, allows us line upon line, idea upon idea, to gradually create in our own minds the possibility of who we are.
Speaker A:And so I would just say this is how you're expressing love and adding good to their lives and possibility to their Palette.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Very well said.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker A:Whatever.
Speaker A:It's just you just loving them.
Speaker A:So how do people find out about you?
Speaker A:If they're like, ooh, I want to know more about this Steve guy, where do they find you?
Speaker A:Where do they go?
Speaker A:What's the best way?
Speaker B:Well, I.
Speaker B:There's a couple different things they can do and it's all in one spot, so there's not a whole bunch of stuff.
Speaker B:I have written this tiny little book with Tom Ziglar, Zig Ziglar's son.
Speaker B:It's so little, super tiny.
Speaker B:It's called Road Trip.
Speaker B:And what it's designed to do is it's.
Speaker B:It's called From Survival to Legacy.
Speaker B:You know, I believe a lot of us are surviving, just barely making it.
Speaker B:And of course we talk about the circumstances.
Speaker B:However, what that does is that 36 page book will completely open up your life.
Speaker B:Dissect it into seven different little pieces, dissect those seven pieces into ten areas, and then it brings the whole thing back so you can look at your life objectively instead of putting all of our stuff on it, how we think we should, whatever context we created on it.
Speaker B:And so you get the book and I, I put the.
Speaker B:I, I also, I narrate it.
Speaker B:If you just want to listen to it, you can listen to it.
Speaker B:So I put all that stuff together.
Speaker B:I did some goal setting.
Speaker B:I put a whole bunch of stuff in one email.
Speaker B:And then in that email they get seven days in a row of an extra gift.
Speaker B:There was seven.
Speaker B:Seven days of how to stay motivated by.
Speaker B:By Zig Ziglar himself, which is kind of fun.
Speaker A:Cool.
Speaker A:So where do they get that?
Speaker B:They can go right to stevecrivda.com motivated.
Speaker A:All right, so that's what I was looking for.
Speaker A:Steve Krivda.
Speaker A:K R I v d a stevekrivda.com so if you're interested, and I recommend that you do.
Speaker A:He posts cool stuff on social too.
Speaker A:And there aren't a million Kryvdas Steve Kryvda.
Speaker A:So it's not hard to find.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:I know what people ask me, how do I find you?
Speaker A:And I say, come on.
Speaker A:With a name like Kellen Fluker, I can't hide.
Speaker A:So anyway, go follow him.
Speaker A:Do this, because I've known Steve now for some years and his effort and energy and love are real.
Speaker A:Steve, what did I not ask you that you would like to add before we finish up here?
Speaker B:Powerful question.
Speaker B:I think that if there was something I could tell your audience is that if, if you're not Happy or things aren't going in your way, going your way.
Speaker B:If you're in a corporate job and you want to move up and you're stuck or whatever word you want to use on it, I'd like for you to remove the words fault and blame from it and allow it to be that you made decisions, you did what you did, you said what you said, so forth, and that's it.
Speaker B:And take a look at it from a place of responsibility because it's easy to blame.
Speaker B:Blame and fault carry a lot of emotions from it.
Speaker B:But when you sit in a place of responsibility, I'm simply responsible for the choices that I made and that's it.
Speaker B:So if I want, if, if I'm responsible for them, then I can also be responsible for different choices.
Speaker B:And when we pull our emotions out of it and how the world tells us how we should think about ourselves because we did this and we should be punish and condemned and all this kind of stuff is like, man, not really.
Speaker B:I, I, you know, other consequences.
Speaker B:Yes, that's not what I mean.
Speaker B:But what I'm talking about is the emotions that come with it.
Speaker B:And when we remove the emotions for a minute, look at it objectively as a list or an action, and it created a result, then we could do something with it because people aren't.
Speaker B:I don't believe people are broken.
Speaker B:I don't believe, I don't believe people need to be fixed.
Speaker B:I do believe that we can, we can come together as people.
Speaker B:Whether it's one on one, like we're talking here or there's an audience listening, or we're standing in front of people, or we're just simply taking a stand for our family.
Speaker B:When we slow down for a moment and allow ourselves to be human beings with thoughts and beliefs and meeting that person, not that they're right or wrong, good or bad or indifferent, or they should or shouldn't be something and we meet them as a human being, that we screw things up all the time and we do great things all the time and just allow them to be that way with, with love and grace and mercy and forgiveness.
Speaker B:When we can do that as a society, brother, it's a, it's a complete game changer.
Speaker B:And I believe that we can do it.
Speaker B:But the challenge that we need to remove is when we're making it all about ourselves.
Speaker B:And I'm doing things to receive, I'm doing things to get.
Speaker B:Not simply because, by the way, and Kellen probably will back me up on this, when you serve your ass off, it's amazing, the things that come back.
Speaker B:It's amazing.
Speaker B:So when we, when we go that way, there's nothing wrong with you.
Speaker B:You're not broken, you're not stuck.
Speaker B:You're simply in a place where you might not know what the next question is.
Speaker B:So seek the next question.
Speaker B:Allow the question to not find the answer, but find a bigger, more powerful question to just allow that journey to manifest in itself until you start finding some things where you're like, that's interesting.
Speaker B:I think I want to explore that more.
Speaker A:Steve, I want to thank you for being with me today.
Speaker B:No, I appreciate you, brother.
Speaker B:Thank you for having me here.
Speaker A:I want to encourage listeners to take some time and listen.
Speaker A:Steve's very clearly and articulately, you know, talked about struggles we all have more or less of and choices that we can all make to change our circumstances, to taking responsibility and then making better choices.
Speaker A:And those are the fundamental first steps to creating your ultimate life right here, right now.
Speaker A:Your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.
Speaker A:Every episode gets gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything.
Speaker A:If you want to know more, go to kellenflukeigermedia.com if you want more free tools, go here YourUltimate Life CA subscribe Share.
Speaker B:It.
