Why You're Still Stuck: The Truth About Trauma, Shame, and Self-Sabotage
Are you stuck in patterns you can’t explain—relationships that don’t work, goals that never stick, or a haunting sense of “not enough”?
In this raw, vulnerable episode, Cari Rickabaugh reveals her story of living over 40 years in trauma, shame, and silence… and how she broke free to become a powerful catalyst for hope.
With host Kellan Fluckiger, Cari unpacks the truth about identity, healing, and rebuilding your life after deep emotional pain. If you’re ready to move from surviving to thriving, this episode is your wake-up call.
🔑 Key Takeaways:
✔️ The difference between therapy and coaching for trauma healing.
✔️ How to rewire the beliefs that keep you stuck.
✔️ Why perfection is a trap—and grace is the antidote.
✔️ What it means to recreate yourself every single day.
✅ YOUR NEXT ACTION STEPS:
🔥 Explore Cari’s Holistic Coaching & Healing Work:
👉 https://resiliencemindandbodycoaching.com
📩 Contact: resiliencemindandbodycoaching@outlook.com
📱 Follow Cari: YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok
🎯 Join the Dream, Build, Write It Challenge – Starts June 2!
Turn your story into a book, brand, and impact-driven movement.
👉 Register FREE: www.dreambuildwriteit.com
💥 Love the episode? Subscribe, like, and leave a comment sharing the moment that hit you hardest.
Want to be a guest or work with Kellan?
👉 https://www.yourultimatelifepodcast.com/contact
🎙️ Learn more: https://kellanfluckigermedia.com
#EmotionalHealing #TraumaRecovery #GetUnstuck #YourUltimateLife
Transcript
Welcome to the show.
Speaker A:Tired of the hype about living a dream?
Speaker A:It's time for truth.
Speaker A:This is the place for tools, power and real talk so you can create the life you dream and deserve your ultimate life.
Speaker A:Subscribe, share, create.
Speaker A:You have infinite power.
Speaker A:Hello there, and welcome to this episode of your ultimate life, the podcast created to help you realize and do something with your power to create the ultimate life, a life of purpose, prosperity and joy.
Speaker A:Today, I'm blessed to have Carrie Rickabaugh as a special guest.
Speaker A:Carrie, welcome to the show.
Speaker B:Thank you so much, Kelvin.
Speaker B:So excited to be here.
Speaker A:Well, I can't wait, so let's just dive in.
Speaker A:I'm not going to do a introduction because that'll all unfold in due time as we get going.
Speaker A:So a question that I start with not always, but often.
Speaker A:I like people to get to know you, but from a certain perspective.
Speaker A:So would you, without being either shy or modest, would you please tell me and our listeners, how does Carrie add good to the world?
Speaker B:Thank you for that question.
Speaker B:I love that carry adds good to the world because Carrie is a catalyst for hope.
Speaker B:Carrie is a catalyst for helping other people to overcome their trauma, their abuse, figure out the process that they need to get to the other side of that and find a life that they never knew that they had.
Speaker A:I love that.
Speaker A:A catalyst for hope.
Speaker A:If there's something that we certainly need a lot of these days, it is hope.
Speaker A:Tell me what hope is for you.
Speaker A:Catalyst for hope is a powerful and a big statement.
Speaker A:So tell me what that.
Speaker A:What is that?
Speaker A:What is hope?
Speaker B:So hope for me is the ability to believe in something that you can't see, very similar to faith.
Speaker B:But the way I see it is faith is usually in something outside of me, and hope is what I can create within me.
Speaker B:And for so many years, for four and a half decades, I really had very little hope.
Speaker B:You know, I didn't.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:It was one way.
Speaker B:I had been that way for as long as I could remember, and I didn't think I could ever change.
Speaker B:I didn't think there was anything else in this life that I could ever accomplish that there was, that I could be.
Speaker B:And the hope for me was being able to hold on to the belief that there was something else for me and that something else could be created.
Speaker B:And, you know, when you've been through a lot of trauma, if you've been through a lot of abuse, if you've been through a lot of things like that, sometimes you don't have any idea that that's a possibility.
Speaker A:You do get stuck in the idea that this is how it is and this is all I get and this is all that's going to be.
Speaker A:And so you said you lived for a long time, four plus decades, a certain way, and then something happened.
Speaker A:And maybe it was immediate, maybe it was a process.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:We'll get into that in a minute.
Speaker A:But something happened that changed for you.
Speaker A:The idea that it's.
Speaker A:I'm stuck here, and that there's a.
Speaker A:There's a way to.
Speaker A:Started to believe or own the belief that a different way was possible.
Speaker A:Is that.
Speaker A:Is that what you said?
Speaker A:Okay, cool.
Speaker A:So I want you to tell me what happened.
Speaker A:I'm gonna ask three or four questions about that.
Speaker A:But first, what happened that caused that shift?
Speaker A:Was it sudden?
Speaker A:Was it gradual?
Speaker A:Did it dawn like sun coming up slow?
Speaker A:Or was it like exploding fireworks all at once?
Speaker A:What happened?
Speaker A:To give you that different perspective, Can.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:I'm gonna have to give you a little bit of backstory, if that's okay.
Speaker A:By all means.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker B:So, like I said, I went through four and a half decades of believing that I could.
Speaker B:I had gone as far as I could go and nothing else.
Speaker B:I couldn't be anything else.
Speaker B:I had a lot of trauma that I remember, like, 30 years of trauma that I had never really processed.
Speaker B:And I had gone to three different therapists.
Speaker B:And as I would start to explain it, to explain it to them, pardon me, they would all say, about 12 weeks.
Speaker B:You've got about 12 weeks.
Speaker B:You'll be good.
Speaker B:And after 12 weeks, they booted me out the door, and nothing had changed.
Speaker B:And so I really lost hope.
Speaker B:And I got to this very dark place, and I had actually created a plan to end my life.
Speaker B:I didn't tell anybody.
Speaker B:Nobody knew.
Speaker B:I just was like, this is the date, this is the time.
Speaker B:This is when it's going to happen.
Speaker B:Bless you.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And I had a friend the night before, a friend that I had known for 24 years.
Speaker B:At that point, just randomly call me out of the blue and say, I want you to work with a friend of mine who's a coach.
Speaker B:And I said I wasn't willing to invest again because I was like, I am too broken to be helped.
Speaker B:And so he would not let me off the phone until I promised to talk to his friend.
Speaker B:And I love this man.
Speaker B:I revere this man.
Speaker B:And so I said, okay, I'll do this for you because I respect you.
Speaker B:And that kept me alive for a couple of weeks until we could make an appointment.
Speaker B:But I went through this session with this guy.
Speaker B:It's somebody you know, Mr.
Speaker B:Dave Orton.
Speaker B:And that first night that we spoke, so there, there wasn't a little bit of an immediate shift where things change.
Speaker B:I was speaking to somebody that I would have never spoken to at all ever had it not been for this intervention.
Speaker B:But I was speaking with Dave that first night and I was very stuck in this like 12 year old mentality.
Speaker B:And I told him straight up, I'm not going to tell you anything.
Speaker B:I don't want to be here.
Speaker B:I'm only here because our friend Eric made me promise to talk to you.
Speaker B:And I thought that would push him away.
Speaker B:And he'd be like, all right, let's hang up, there's nothing to do.
Speaker B:And he said, okay, that's fine, let's go.
Speaker B:And I said, what do you mean, let's go?
Speaker B:Like, I'm not going to tell you anything.
Speaker B:And he goes, that's fine, I heard you, let's go.
Speaker B:And I said, okay.
Speaker B:And three hours later, I was curled up in the fetal position on my couch in the dark, so sobbing and being like, dave, I can't do this anymore.
Speaker B:Because Dave had taken me for the first time to a place and in a way helped me be able to start to face my trauma, that talk therapy didn't work for me.
Speaker B:And he said, that was on a Friday night.
Speaker B:He said, I want to meet with you Monday evening.
Speaker B:We'll talk again.
Speaker B:I said, okay.
Speaker B:And that whole weekend I felt like there was this little space over my chest that had.
Speaker B:Was just this little rectangle that was it.
Speaker B:It felt light, it felt white.
Speaker B:It felt like there was actually space there.
Speaker B:And throughout the entire weekend, my attention kept getting drawn to there.
Speaker B:And that's when I was like, oh, that crazy guy might know what he's talking about.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:He might know what he's doing.
Speaker B:And we spoke again on Monday and the same thing happened.
Speaker B:This time it was four hours.
Speaker B:And that space got a little bit bigger.
Speaker B:And gradually over the next year, year and a half, two years, things started to progress and I was able to start developing hope in myself and in a life that I couldn't wrap my head around was possible before.
Speaker B:So it was actually a little bit of both.
Speaker B:There was that immediate shift where I was like, okay, I'm going to do something different.
Speaker B:But then there was that gradual learning and finding that there's possibility.
Speaker A:Well, I love that.
Speaker A:And that, you know, it indicates several things which we could go into.
Speaker A:And I'm going to think about it for A sec.
Speaker A:But that connection.
Speaker A:Connection matters.
Speaker A:A willingness to act matters, like you said, even reluctantly.
Speaker A:I'm going to go try this.
Speaker A:Your friend calling you out of the blue was not out of the blue.
Speaker A:There's no out of the blue.
Speaker A:So, you know, it was a prompting to do that and a nudge or whatever, and they followed that nudge.
Speaker A:And, you know, the process of doing that over some time allowed you to now say what you do to add good to the world is a.
Speaker A:To operate as a catalyst for hope.
Speaker A:So after that period of time and that little rectangle, you know, got bigger, and you now see some possibility.
Speaker A:What we'll get into what you do for others in a minute.
Speaker A:But what does that possibility look like for you now?
Speaker A:So you talk through this.
Speaker A:It involved facing some trauma that had been ignored or dismissed or whatever.
Speaker A:And then in a process, going through that, you created some hope.
Speaker A:And that thing, that blob of hope has gotten bigger.
Speaker A:How big is it now?
Speaker B:Not even a blob anymore.
Speaker B:It doesn't have edges.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It's completely.
Speaker B:It's invisible in terms of being able to see it as a color or an image.
Speaker B:It's absolutely clear, but it's every ounce of space around me.
Speaker A:So it's expanded to encompass you all the way.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:What does it do?
Speaker A:So what is it that you hope for?
Speaker A:So you know, yet you're surrounded by this glorious light and hope, and what does it give you?
Speaker A:Hope that.
Speaker A:Hope that what this.
Speaker A:What's inside of you.
Speaker A:You hope that what.
Speaker B:So there's.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:There's actually a couple of different answers to that.
Speaker B:There is hope, and it kind of is transformed for me.
Speaker B:It's not even so much hope now.
Speaker B:It's truth that I can do anything I want.
Speaker B:You know, you hear people all the time who are in higher status positions in whatever you're looking at, and they're like, oh, I'm just, you know, just like Joe Schmo off the street.
Speaker B:If I can do it, you can do it.
Speaker B:But you see them up on these pedestals and you can't see them as somebody who has been going through the same things that you have.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:But now I understand it.
Speaker B:I'm like, seriously, if I can do this, there is hope.
Speaker B:You can do this.
Speaker B:There is another side.
Speaker B:So I.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It's unlimited potential for me.
Speaker B:I can do anything I want to.
Speaker B:I'm creating.
Speaker B:And as I create things that a year ago I couldn't even wrap my head around, that I'd ever Be able to do more things come.
Speaker B:And I'm like, oh, I could do that.
Speaker B:I could do that.
Speaker B:So there isn't even a definite end picture yet in that respect.
Speaker B:There's the possibility that as things come, I know that I want to do that.
Speaker B:I can do it within reason.
Speaker B:I'm not going to become an Olympic swimmer a couple of years.
Speaker B:But, you know, I started running.
Speaker B:I, at one point in my life was over £400.
Speaker B:I started running a year and a half ago.
Speaker B:I hate running.
Speaker B:I just went to a foot doctor the other day and they were like, you have bone spurs.
Speaker B:And I'm like, but can I still go running?
Speaker B:And he's like, no.
Speaker B:I'm like, but I want to.
Speaker B:And I was like, oh, oh, things have changed where now I want to do something where I didn't want to do before.
Speaker B:I love being able to take care of myself and having that ability.
Speaker B:I've started cold plunging.
Speaker B:I know you.
Speaker B:Cold plunge in the morning.
Speaker B:I started cold plunging in Lake Michigan in the winter.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And I'm like, I.
Speaker B:I couldn't see myself doing that before.
Speaker B:I'm creating different aspects of businesses.
Speaker B:So there's all these possibilities in that respect.
Speaker B:That's part of my hope.
Speaker B:The other hope that I want.
Speaker B:Oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker B:Go ahead.
Speaker A:No, keep going.
Speaker A:I was just going to ask something else, but I will in a minute.
Speaker B:The other part of it is a purpose to help people to come get unstuck like I did, because for 20 years, I was stuck in a holding pattern of thinking there were things I couldn't change and I couldn't figure out why.
Speaker B:And I.
Speaker B:Actually, there was 30 years of trauma that.
Speaker B:That my coach and I worked on.
Speaker B:But once that was really processed, there was another 10 years of even more horrific trauma that I had repressed at age 10 that then came back and it took me down, and then it brought me more hope again because I knew at that point I could get through it because I had already gotten through this other stuff.
Speaker B:And I want other people to understand that they can get through anything, that they can come.
Speaker B:It doesn't matter what they've done or where they've been or what's happened to them.
Speaker B:People can overcome it.
Speaker B:And there are people in this world who want to help you for no reason other than they love you, even if they don't know you.
Speaker A:So that was the.
Speaker A:You answered my second question.
Speaker A:There sounds like there's two parts of it.
Speaker A:And you had said part one, and I was going to ask about part Two, and you said it, which is you have a hope.
Speaker A:And it is not just a hope now.
Speaker A:It is a hope backed up by evidence because you're doing things and creating things.
Speaker A:But the hope is now saying it's transformed into an unlimited certainty that you can create the life you want.
Speaker A:And that means health.
Speaker A:You know, you can change your health if you want.
Speaker A:You can change and create business if you want.
Speaker A:And you know that you have both the opportunity and the yearning to.
Speaker A:To change your own circumstances in any way you choose.
Speaker A:And the second piece of it was you now see, because you have done this yourself, that you can say with authenticity and truth, you can do whatever you want and you can say it to somebody, just like those irritating people used to say.
Speaker A:That bothered you before.
Speaker A:And you said, no, because you're up here or you're there and you know, nobody knows the trouble I've seen, but Jesus kind of thought.
Speaker A:And no, you can't.
Speaker A:No, I can't.
Speaker A:No, no, no.
Speaker A:And now you're one of those irritating people that says you can actually create what you want.
Speaker A:And somebody else says, how can you say that?
Speaker A:Is that what you mean?
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:That's exactly it.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And the reason I know that is because that's what happens.
Speaker A:And it only happens when we.
Speaker A:When we.
Speaker A:When we realize that we have created with our thoughts and feelings the lenses that we wear and that they are lenses and we can take them off.
Speaker A:And then we realize everybody has a pair and they can take them off.
Speaker A:And the work that you're doing is helping people first understand they have them and that they can change them.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:So what is it that you want to create for yourself or for business?
Speaker A:Like, what are the things that are coming to you or have come to you in this growth process that.
Speaker A:Because you've now realized I can create whatever I want.
Speaker A:And I know you said in the beginning the vision isn't completely clear, but what does it look like?
Speaker A:What can we expect, Carrie creating, bursting into the scene over the next six months or year or whatever, I can.
Speaker B:Guarantee you're going to see a lot more of Carrie, who's always played the role of let's sit back in the corner and not make waves.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And now I'm going to start taking up space because I.
Speaker B:I want my story to be heard in not the fact of what I went through, but of overcoming.
Speaker B:So right now I'm trying to get the word out there.
Speaker B:I've decided that this year I'm going to speak on at least 50 different added to 50 different events, whether it be zoom podcasts, whether it be in person events, whatever.
Speaker B:It is at least 50 this year.
Speaker A: Is that: Speaker A: Okay, so in: Speaker A:To assure and encourage people that they can accomplish their version of your transformation.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:And that.
Speaker B:That is something again, a year ago, I couldn't see myself doing.
Speaker B:I started this year off speaking at a conference in front of 250 people and telling the story of the years of horrific trauma that I had never told anybody.
Speaker B:And the first place of actually of really speaking it was in front of 250 people.
Speaker B:And then a month later, I was a part of a book that came out and had part of that story in it as well.
Speaker B:And so the publication came out.
Speaker B:So writing and speaking are two of the huge things that were goals for me that have been accomplished.
Speaker B:Now the 50 events are gonna happen.
Speaker A:I'm gonna go to the 50 events in a second.
Speaker A:What did it feel like?
Speaker A:What did it feel like to be vulnerable and tell the story of 10 years of something very difficult in your life in front of a bunch of people?
Speaker A:It doesn't matter who it was, but what did that.
Speaker A:What was your experience of doing that now for the first time and exploring this freedom and creativity in front of a group?
Speaker B:Exploring the freedom is exactly what it was.
Speaker B:It felt like, take that little square of white light that started the very first day, and it just allow it.
Speaker B:It felt like everything was being lifted off of me.
Speaker B:All of the stuff that I had carried around and said, I can't be anybody because this is what I went through no longer applied because I wasn't holding on to it anymore, and I didn't need to hold onto it.
Speaker B:It wasn't mine to hold on to, and it just was freeing.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And then when the book came out, it.
Speaker B:You felt, you know, I thought, this is as free as I'm ever going to get.
Speaker B:And then the book came out and I was like, oh, wait, here's a little bit more, and then something else will happen.
Speaker B:And you're like, here's a little bit more.
Speaker B:More freedom.
Speaker B:It's an exploration of freedom, of not feeling stuck, the best way that I can say it.
Speaker A:What do you think?
Speaker A:If so you said, I felt some freedom.
Speaker A:And a little bit more and a little bit more.
Speaker A:I want you to project for a Minute in your mind, if it multiplied this feeling of freedom and exposure and openness and stuff multiplied by 10 instead of by 1.2, what do you suppose that is like?
Speaker A:Feel what.
Speaker A:What does that feel like for you?
Speaker B:That feels like I'm.
Speaker B:For me, it's absolute control of my life.
Speaker B:Absolute control where I've always felt controlled before by either unseen things or by a world where you have to fit in a hole, right?
Speaker B:You have to.
Speaker B:I still work a full time job right now.
Speaker B:And that for me would be the freedom of being able to create my own schedule, go wherever I want and you know, create whatever I want in that respect, in terms of my life.
Speaker B:It would be the freedom to know that there are no more wall balls up.
Speaker B:I don't have to fear anything anymore.
Speaker B:I don't have to question if anything is possible anymore.
Speaker B:It's just this.
Speaker B:The vision I have is like this world that is white and bright and open and it has, you know, these trees that have the best fruit on them and it has these plants that have the most gorgeous flower and they're all for me.
Speaker B:I can go pick whatever I want.
Speaker B:I can pick whatever I want.
Speaker A:Tell me about.
Speaker A:So, so one piece is the freedom to talk about stuff that happens to us in the past.
Speaker A:And whether it was the 10 years or the other 20 and I forgot the numbers of tens and twenties, but the groups of things.
Speaker A:There is a certain freedom in just talking about stuff.
Speaker A:But I want you to go into a little bit more of what else?
Speaker A:Because people are going to think just like you did.
Speaker A:Yeah, but, yeah, but, yeah, but, you know.
Speaker A:Yeah, but this.
Speaker A:Yeah, but that.
Speaker A:And that's the stuck part.
Speaker A:What else caused you to get to the place where you could not only consider talking, but that you were able to do it?
Speaker A:Like what else had to happen to begin to break those chains?
Speaker A:You had conversations and like you said, as long as I hold on to it.
Speaker A:And that was a really important statement because we do hold onto it.
Speaker A:Like nobody's glued any of that stuff to us.
Speaker A:We're holding it and learning that.
Speaker A:So what happened to cause you to realize that you, you could let go of guilt, shame, you know, feeling bad, feeling not worthy of being seen.
Speaker A:I don't even know what it was like, what, what let you release that.
Speaker B:It was when I realized that the, the facts about myself that in my mind were truth, you know, absolute truth.
Speaker B:There was no leeway on those.
Speaker B:Most of them weren't true at all.
Speaker B:So my, my idea that I was lazy or that I couldn't I don't know.
Speaker B:I couldn't do one thing or another right.
Speaker B:The fact that I'm not smart, the fact that I don't do well in things, the fact that everything I try, I fail at the.
Speaker B:The.
Speaker B:I'm clumsy.
Speaker B:I'm.
Speaker B:Whatever it was, whatever the truth was about me, those were all parts of my identity that I had taken on from other people growing up.
Speaker B:And I believed they were fact.
Speaker B:And so I acted and I lived my life as if they were.
Speaker B:And it was there.
Speaker B:There was a moment.
Speaker B:I remember there was a moment where it just kind of clicked for me of.
Speaker B:I don't have to believe any.
Speaker B:Anything about myself.
Speaker B:I don't have to believe any of these things anymore.
Speaker B:Why does it have to be that way?
Speaker B:It doesn't.
Speaker B:I can create myself to be whoever I want to be.
Speaker B:I can create myself to be graceful.
Speaker B:If I think I'm clumsy, I can create myself.
Speaker B:But these are other people's identities that I had taken on.
Speaker B:You get them from, you know, if you're in school, when you're bullied, sometimes you're siblings, sometimes, you know, your parents, if they're upset and say something in a moment that they shouldn't have said.
Speaker B:Sometimes it's things that we.
Speaker B:We see and we hear people talk about somebody else, and you identify with it, and you're like, oh, well, if they're this, then I must be that, too.
Speaker B:I didn't have to believe any of that anymore.
Speaker B:I was a blank canvas.
Speaker B:I am a blank canvas every morning when I wake up.
Speaker B:And I can create myself to be whoever and whatever I want to be.
Speaker A:So the idea that you're a blank canvas every morning is really.
Speaker A:It's a powerful notion.
Speaker A:And, you know, we.
Speaker A:We.
Speaker A:We were created to sleep away a third of our lives.
Speaker A:So we die every night and we get reborn every morning.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:So we wake up with that blank canvas.
Speaker A:Talk about creating yourself in the morning at the beginning of that canvas.
Speaker A:Talk about that.
Speaker A:Because my experience is most people don't pay any attention to that.
Speaker A:They just sort of roll on with those.
Speaker A:I think of them as that.
Speaker A:I don't know if you've seen that television commercial on TV with that big monster that has all those sticky notes on them, the big yellow sort of beast with all the, you know, slaps.
Speaker A:So we're that right, and we have all this crap stuck to us that came from, like, who knows where, all the places you named and everything we've ever done and wherever we've been and what you're saying is I don't have to do that.
Speaker A:But that doesn't happen automatically.
Speaker A:Like all those stickies don't come off.
Speaker A:Some of them are glued on pretty hard and woven into the DNA almost.
Speaker A:So talk about creating yourself as opposed to remaining covered in the stickies of other people's opinions.
Speaker B:So there, there was.
Speaker B:I, I.
Speaker B:You know, we talked about before we started recording that I listen to your podcast sometimes in the morning when I'm getting ready for work.
Speaker B:And I heard one the other day where you were talking about how you write on your mirror in dry erase marker.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:So you see it every day.
Speaker B:I went through a book, wealth Creation for Coaches by Steve Chandler, and oh, I apologize, I can't remember the other person's name.
Speaker A:I think it's Camin.
Speaker A:Camille.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:She's a friend of mine.
Speaker A:So that's come.
Speaker A:I know.
Speaker B:Wonderful.
Speaker B:I did that about a year and a half ago.
Speaker B:And in that they said, take three by five note cards and write attributes on it that you want to become and put them somewhere where you'll see them.
Speaker B:I have them all over my wall, in my mirror, in my bathroom.
Speaker B:And so every day I will tap into those.
Speaker B:I shouldn't say every day.
Speaker B:I need to get back into a regular practice, but for a while it was every day and now it's when I remember.
Speaker B:But I will go through each of those individually and I will tap into those and I will stand there and be like, what does it feel like?
Speaker B:Say if I'm successful, whatever my definition of successful is.
Speaker B:So I will stand there and I'll close my eyes and I'll be like, what am I going to feel like when I'm successful?
Speaker B:And I'll sit in that feeling for a moment.
Speaker B:What am I going to feel like?
Speaker B:Oh, when I feel like I'm being a leader in something, this is what it's going to feel like.
Speaker B:And I'll do that with each of them and I'll tell you a really cool story.
Speaker B:There is a show with two friends of ours, great friends of ours, Nick Smith and Ryan Morris.
Speaker B:So a tribe of Giants.
Speaker B:And they have a show on the weekends called Wake up with Giants tv.
Speaker B:And I have known these guys for a couple of years and I have wanted to be on their show for a couple of years.
Speaker B:And there was one word that I put on my mirror.
Speaker B:And so some of the words I'll have like examples underneath them and say, oh, I want to accomplish this.
Speaker B:One of them was inspiring.
Speaker B:And underneath it it said, Wake up with Giants tv.
Speaker B:And last Sunday, I ended up being on the show because it felt.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker B:It felt exactly how I imagined it because I knew it was going to happen.
Speaker B:I knew how I was going to feel, and all I did was manifest that.
Speaker B:I mean, it did take a year and a half.
Speaker B:It wasn't automatic, but every time I would tap into it, I'm like, this is how it's going to feel to be on their show.
Speaker B:And it did.
Speaker B:It felt amazing.
Speaker B:And so it was a very familiar thing.
Speaker B:I think sometimes we get caught up when something happens.
Speaker B:We get really surprised at how we feel, and our energy can actually bump into that and be like, this is almost uncomfortable.
Speaker B:But if we get comfortable with those feelings that we're not comfortable with yet, before we even experience them, then when they happen, our energy is right there saying, yeah, this is where we're supposed to be.
Speaker B:The universe is.
Speaker B:Yeah, you've already created this.
Speaker B:You already know what this feels like, so of course this is going to happen.
Speaker A:I love that.
Speaker A:And yes, I know that show.
Speaker A:I've been on there a couple of times, some years ago, and that is magical that you did that.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:So I want to ask you something.
Speaker A:You.
Speaker A:You corrected yourself.
Speaker A:I do that every day.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:Well, when I remember.
Speaker A:So I asked you two things.
Speaker A:Why, if.
Speaker A:If it's powerful for you, why isn't it, like, every day?
Speaker A:I would never miss.
Speaker A:Like, I don't miss breathing.
Speaker A:Why would it turn into when I remember?
Speaker A:And the second part of that question is, do you notice a difference when you do it every day, no matter what, and when you do it, when you remember?
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker B:And thank you for pointing that out.
Speaker B:Thank you for calling me on that.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker A:I'm calling you.
Speaker A:I just heard you said it, and I'm like, why would a.
Speaker A:Why would you do that?
Speaker B:Why would I do that?
Speaker B:Because I'm human.
Speaker B:That's where grace comes in.
Speaker B:You know, when I started working with Dave for the first couple of months, my thought was, oh, he's a coach.
Speaker B:Because he's got it all figured out.
Speaker B:And so he doesn't deal with struggles, he doesn't deal with hardships.
Speaker B:And he assured me very quickly that that's not it.
Speaker B:And that's one thing I love about coaching, is I'm really good at it, and I'm still human and I'm still working on things, and I'm always going to be improving and working on myself, and I'm always going to have these little things.
Speaker B:And in the past, I would hold that to myself.
Speaker B:Just like all these other negative things or these beliefs that I had of, oh, I shouldn't have done that.
Speaker B:Oh, you know, that means something about me.
Speaker B:I'm human.
Speaker B:And that goes along.
Speaker B:I'm going to backtrack a little bit.
Speaker B:That goes along because I didn't answer yet.
Speaker B:Your.
Speaker B:How do you.
Speaker B:Waking up with a blank slate and how do you create that?
Speaker B:You decide that you're going to.
Speaker B:So I decide I'm going to have grace for myself.
Speaker B:And so there are days where I wake up and I am caught up in what's going on in my head.
Speaker B:And so I literally don't think about it.
Speaker B:I go through my routine.
Speaker B:It's been up there for a year and a half.
Speaker B:I'm thinking lately that I need to move it around so it looks new, but now it kind of blends in.
Speaker B:And that's why I don't do it every day.
Speaker B:And so I now I need to.
Speaker B:Now that I realize that I need to start doing something different to.
Speaker B:So that I can recognize it every day.
Speaker B:Because it's not.
Speaker B:It's not about perfection.
Speaker B:It's about progress.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And when I tap into it and feel that there is so much peace, there's joy, there's contentment that come with that.
Speaker B:And those things are often uncomfortable for people who have been living in these stuck patterns.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker B:Go ahead.
Speaker B:Getting uncomfortable, being uncomfortable is actually, for me, has proven to be a really good thing because you then start to get comfortable with what was uncomfortable and it becomes comfortable.
Speaker A:There's something there that I want to ask you about.
Speaker A:I love that you said a couple of things.
Speaker A:You said we're human and so we make mistakes.
Speaker A:And that's going to happen forever till we no longer draw breath.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker A:And so grace and forgiveness is essential.
Speaker A:And I have a really simple definition of forgiveness.
Speaker A:It is choosing to no longer allow events from the past to have power in the present.
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker A:And it applies whether you forgive yourself or somebody else.
Speaker A:But anyway, that's a different topic.
Speaker A:So you said something about, gee, they've gotten to be thing.
Speaker A:And I just don't see them like we see the same thing every day and then we don't see it anymore.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And that's a true thing.
Speaker A:And I love what you said about changing it up.
Speaker A:I've certainly noticed that.
Speaker A:And the way I do morning creation is intentionally.
Speaker A:With lots of variability in there for that very reason.
Speaker A:And so I love the fact.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:So you're going to change it up so that.
Speaker A:Because really you said it's not about perfection, about progress.
Speaker A:And it isn't even about ticking boxes.
Speaker A:I've done this, this, and this, but it's about outcome.
Speaker A:Have I done something that puts me in that elevated state of connection and commitment for the day?
Speaker A:And I love your idea of changing them around.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:However you need to so that they are fresh and new for you.
Speaker A:Yeah, that's wonderful.
Speaker A:Keep going.
Speaker B:I also have adhd.
Speaker B:I was diagnosed very late in life and realized that that's why I lose a lot of things that are right in front of me.
Speaker B:And so that comes into play too.
Speaker B:And so when I remember, oh, I have been forgetting about this because it blends into the scenery.
Speaker B:What little changes do we need to make?
Speaker B:It doesn't have to be anything big, Right.
Speaker B:You know, I love the dry erase marker because you can literally just wipe that off and write a new thing every day, right?
Speaker A:You can.
Speaker B:Little, tiny changes.
Speaker B:Maybe one of these cards that I need to put up says something about remembering to remember.
Speaker B:You know, it can be anything that we want.
Speaker B:But the changes don't have to be huge to end up having a huge change.
Speaker B:I didn't say that.
Speaker B:Well, the action doesn't have to be huge to make a huge change.
Speaker A:That's true.
Speaker A:And my.
Speaker A:My sort of measuring is, did it work?
Speaker A:In other words, I.
Speaker A:However little or big the change, did it work?
Speaker A:Did I remember?
Speaker A:Did it make me feel good?
Speaker A:Did it create?
Speaker A:Did it work?
Speaker A:And good enough?
Speaker A:If it didn't work, okay, do another one.
Speaker A:You know, no drama there.
Speaker A:Did it.
Speaker A:Did it work?
Speaker A:That's the ultimate thing, you know, did it work?
Speaker A:And did it create what I wanted?
Speaker B:And it's not a failure if you didn't.
Speaker B:And I used to live off of failure, Perfection or failure, and there was no in between.
Speaker B:And I always failed because I couldn't be perfect because I'm human.
Speaker B:And so it's not a failure.
Speaker B:It's not.
Speaker B:You know, the grace doesn't have to be this huge forgiveness.
Speaker B:The grace has to be like, I'm not gonna hold on to it, not gonna think about that again and do something else.
Speaker B:I was speaking to a friend today who is so talented.
Speaker B:He has got a talent of music, creating music, of creating art, of journalism, or of coaching, of.
Speaker B:And right now he's not utilizing any of it because he's so scared to take any action on any of it.
Speaker B:Because what if it doesn't end up the way he imagines it right now?
Speaker B:What if it doesn't?
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:You know That's a funny question, because when people say that about, you know, usually in the context of I didn't do it.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Or whatever, I always just repeat the question back.
Speaker A:Okay, what if it doesn't?
Speaker A:Yeah, then.
Speaker A:Then what?
Speaker A:Like it doesn't?
Speaker A:Or if someone says, what if someone doesn't like it?
Speaker A:Then I'll say good, because they're good.
Speaker A:So there's going to be 50 people that think you suck.
Speaker A:So what?
Speaker A:Then what?
Speaker A:You know, and sort of go down that road.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:But if you're not doing anything, that's where the progress over perfection comes in.
Speaker B:If you're not doing anything, I mean, and I told him, just do something.
Speaker B:Then you can find out if.
Speaker B:If it's going to work or not.
Speaker B:That's where we get stuck in our holding patterns, is just sitting there doing the same thing over and over and over.
Speaker B:Einstein's definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting different results.
Speaker B:It's all about doing, seeing if it works.
Speaker B:If it doesn't, just pivot a little bit.
Speaker A:And minus all the drama.
Speaker A:And the drama is what we've attached to it.
Speaker A:So tell me about the work that you do now as a Hope dealer.
Speaker A:So you are the catalyst for hope and you gleefully and joyfully provide that.
Speaker A:What does that look like?
Speaker A:Do you stand on a street corner with a sandwich board on that says hope lives?
Speaker A:Or what do you do to do that and add good to the world?
Speaker A:Because that's where we started.
Speaker A:Let's come back to that.
Speaker A:What does that look like?
Speaker A:And what does the rest of the year besides 50 shows?
Speaker A:And here's one.
Speaker A:Yay.
Speaker A:You're going to be on this one.
Speaker A:So 49.
Speaker A:And maybe you've already got some others.
Speaker A:So 42.
Speaker A:I don't know where you are in your list, but I know you're going to do it.
Speaker A:Tell me what else the year is bringing for you.
Speaker B:So the year is bringing me being able to help other people change, to get rid of the things that are unserving them.
Speaker B:It's going to bring more speaking engagements.
Speaker B:It's going to bring.
Speaker B:I'm considering.
Speaker B:I do a little mini podcast in a group that you and I are in on Facebook that you've been on a couple of times, but amazing in discussion right now with bringing that on on a.
Speaker B:On more platforms across the Internet so that more people can be exposed to this way of being that you and I live.
Speaker B:I'm thinking about starting another podcast just on my own, and I want that to be about hope and joy and humor and love.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Still haven't figured out exactly what that's going to look like yet.
Speaker B:I talked to the publisher of this book that.
Speaker B:This anthology that was just released and about being in another book or contributing to another book.
Speaker B:So there's a lot of things out there.
Speaker B:There's some health goals that I wanted to.
Speaker B:To attribute, but I really just.
Speaker B:I want.
Speaker B:I want to be an even bigger catalyst than I am right now.
Speaker B:I just want to be somebody who helps people who want to be helped or even if they don't want to be helped.
Speaker B:Dave helped me, and I didn't want to be helped.
Speaker B:Do you want to be?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Would you.
Speaker A:Would you.
Speaker A:I know you're gonna.
Speaker A:I'm sure you will be able to be in another book, given the story that you've told me and the transformation that you had.
Speaker A:People want to all.
Speaker A:When people see people that are successful, and if someone sees you now, bright and lit up and infinite, you know, white lights and boxes and whatever, they're gonna wonder how, yeah, oh, I wish I could do that.
Speaker A:I wish I could have that brightness.
Speaker A:And they're going to be in the place that you were, which is, I suck.
Speaker A:I can't do this.
Speaker A:It'll never.
Speaker A:This, that, and the other.
Speaker A:And sometimes I.
Speaker A:I often think the most important thing message we can give to people is the.
Speaker A:Is the answer to the question, how did you get here?
Speaker A:Because when they look at you as a success, they can't envision the not success.
Speaker A:So they see themselves and they think you must had some, you know, magic fairy or some special break or whatever.
Speaker A:And the story, the choices, the resilience, the not giving up, the perseverance, that story of how you got where you are.
Speaker A:So I'm wondering if you're going to write the book of Carrie.
Speaker B:It's not for this year, but yes, that is in the future.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:I plan on having that.
Speaker A:Because you're worth.
Speaker A:You're worth way more than a chapter in somebody's book, however beautiful your chapter is.
Speaker A:Because the whole truth and the whole story and the continuing saga, sometimes people say, well, I'm not done yet.
Speaker A:Nobody's done.
Speaker A:So I want to ask you another question.
Speaker A:So what didn't.
Speaker A:What didn't I ask you?
Speaker A:That would be part of the hope, the encouragement, the love, the joy that you can share that I should have asked you what else?
Speaker B:That question.
Speaker B:Kellen, I'm going to go with my intuition a little bit here, because what keeps coming up in me as I'M thinking about that is it was not easy.
Speaker B:It wasn't a magic potion.
Speaker B:And I think a lot of times people get discouraged because they step into it and they're like, oh, I've been doing this for a month.
Speaker B:I've been doing this for six weeks.
Speaker B:I've been.
Speaker B:It's going to take time, but it's going to take even longer if you don't do it now.
Speaker B:You know, six months from now, you can either be exactly where you are or you can be on the path to getting somewhere else.
Speaker B:And there is always somebody out there to help you.
Speaker B:I went through three different therapists and I thought, no coach is going to be able to help me because three professional therapists couldn't help me.
Speaker A:What do you think the difference is?
Speaker A:So you know, I, you and I, and maybe all of our listeners understand the difference between coaching and therapy.
Speaker A:And if you don't, listener, go look it up.
Speaker A:Why do you suppose, what was the difference in the context of the framing between a coach who was speaking to you from a different perspective and a therapist that unlocked your ability to see the lenses and to take them off?
Speaker A:What is the framing difference?
Speaker B:There were two different things.
Speaker B:There were two things.
Speaker B:First, these.
Speaker B:All three of these therapists that I went to see as I would start to tell them my.
Speaker B:My trauma and very much thought that it was very minimal, it shouldn't have been very traumatic.
Speaker B:Again, there was 10 years that we didn't know about that was feeding into this.
Speaker B:And so all they saw was the words that I was telling them and that there was.
Speaker B:There couldn't.
Speaker B:They never considered that there could be anything behind it.
Speaker B:And so they said, oh, all you need to do is reparent yourself very easy.
Speaker B:And I'm like, okay, how do I do that?
Speaker B:How do I go back and repair myself?
Speaker B:And they're like, well, just go back and be the parent you didn't have.
Speaker B:And I'm like, but what I go back, I'm still that damaged little child.
Speaker B:How do I step out of that into a outside space and look in?
Speaker B:And they would say, oh, well, you just do it.
Speaker B:That's just what you do.
Speaker B:And so I think part of it was that they were looking at it very.
Speaker B:This is what we're taught in school.
Speaker B:And very similar to medical doctors, sometimes of this is a symptom.
Speaker B:So this is the treatment and that's going to work for everybody.
Speaker B:That didn't work for me.
Speaker B:The second thing is, is that when I started working with my coach, he was very upfront with me in the first couple of sessions as to things that he had been through in his life that he had struggled with.
Speaker B:He had, he and, and I do that with my clients as well.
Speaker B:I have clients that have told me I was able to tell you everything, things I've never told anybody else because you shared your trauma with me and it gave me personal permission to know that I wasn't going to be judged, I was going to be safe, you were going to help me, you were going to understand.
Speaker B:He did that and he was like, here's a little bit about me, so know that I have been through difficult things as well and this is a safe space for you.
Speaker B:He also did different techniques.
Speaker B:He did neuro linguistic programming.
Speaker B:He did some somatic work.
Speaker B:He had kind of an unorthodox method with me.
Speaker B:And it, it we were able to find a technique that worked for my brain.
Speaker B:And what worked for my brain had more to do with going back and imagining things and imagining things in a different way than just speaking about what had happened.
Speaker B:So it, it was a completely different technique and it came from experience.
Speaker B:And he was willing to say, there's pro, there might be something else underneath.
Speaker B:Let's see if we can go deeper than just surface level and figure out what the core of the wound is.
Speaker B:And that's what I do with my clients.
Speaker B:And every client I work with is different.
Speaker B:I try and go by intuition and inspiration with every client and no two clients are the same because no two people are the same and nobody dealing with the same trauma is the same.
Speaker B:But we're going to get down to the core.
Speaker B:We're going to find out what's underneath the symptoms and we're going to treat the core instead of just putting a band aid on a broken leg.
Speaker A:So if people want to find out more about you, want to follow your journey to 50 shows or want to learn about your coaching programs or want to just follow you in general or talk to you some more, where do they need to go?
Speaker B:So the name of my business is resilience, mind and body coaching.
Speaker B:I'm also a massage therapist and I believe that the mind affects the body, the body affects the mind.
Speaker B:So my business is a full holistic mind and body healing.
Speaker B:So resilience, mind and body coaching.1word.com is my website or you can reach out to me at Resilience, mind and body coaching outlook.com or you could look under me just under my name on YouTube, on Facebook, on Instagram, on TikTok.
Speaker A:I'm on all of those resilience, mind and body coaching.
Speaker A:Resilience mind and body coaching.com and your name, Carrie Ricobaugh.
Speaker A:And it'll be in the show notes.
Speaker A:So you have to spell it right like you have to spell Fluker right?
Speaker A:Or you, you know, but you're.
Speaker A:You, you'll.
Speaker A:You'll find her and go explore.
Speaker A:Go explore and see what there is for you.
Speaker A:Carrie, I want to thank you today for sharing your heart, for sharing your experience, for sharing your journey, and most of all, your love, your attention, your intention and your light with me today.
Speaker B:Thank you, Kibbleyn.
Speaker B:I appreciate you deeply.
Speaker A:You're welcome.
Speaker A:I want to encourage all of you listeners to, you know, let this sit with you because whether you think you're doing okay or not, if you're not feeling joyful, if your experience isn't one of joy as you live your life hour to hour, day to day, then you gotta ask, why?
Speaker A:Because what Carrie said is true.
Speaker A:You create your life.
Speaker A:So go back and listen again.
Speaker A:Go look her stuff up on the social channels and go to that resilience mindandbodycoaching.com and just explore.
Speaker A:And above all, don't sit there.
Speaker A:Take the steps.
Speaker A:Listen to your intuition and move forward so that you can create your ultimate life right here, right now.
Speaker A:Your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.
Speaker A:Every episode gives you practical tips and practices, practices that will change everything.
Speaker A:If you want to know more, go to kellenfluekermedia.com if you want more free tools, go here your UltimateLife CA subscribe Sam.
