“I am a father. I chose to have children. I love that fact. I love all my children deeply and furiously and would walk to the end of the earth for any of them, even those that are angry with me. And I've still got some work to do because of my past and all, relationship issues and struggles that have happened but regardless of all that, I love all my children desperately and would do anything for them that was good to help them, have a good and successful life and be happy.” - Kellan Fluckiger
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What you are about to learn
I tackled deeply what is presence in the past I episodes, and for the sake of new listeners to this podcast, let me run quickly and define what is presence for me. Technicality you will say by presence is you are in a room, in a place, your body is in a specific area. But what I mean by this is, not only is your body there at a particular moment but also your mind. That is, you focus at present. You are not thinking of something else or someone else. Your focus is contact at that specific scenario where presently you’re at. Undivided attention.
Presence to what you are - Continuing awareness affect the role you have on your current situation, life beingness, energetic context, and all that stuff. So here's what I mean. Let's use a straightforward example. I am a father. I chose to have children. I love that fact. I love all my children deeply, even those that are angry with me. And I've still got some work to do because of my past, relationship issues and struggles that have happened that are outlined in Tight Rope of Depression, that book that I wrote but regardless of all that, I love All my children desperately, and I would do anything for them that was good to help them, have a good and prosperous life and be happy. But here's the thing I could choose, and so can you at any time not continue in those roles? So I may biologically still be a father, but I could decide not to do that. You could disavow those roles. Or you could stop functioning in those roles, or deny any of the responsibilities that belong to those roles.
Now, that's obvious. Everybody knows you could do that. But here's what my point is. We do it anyway. We do it all the time. We might not realize it, but we do that unconsciously. And here's how that happens. We move from having actively chosen to be a parent, for example, to say things like, well, I had no choice when presented with a circumstance that involved fulfilling that role. How?
By unconsciously moving away from the role and a minimization of the commitment that you made.
And so when we're present to the roles that we have chosen voluntarily, it means to embrace them fully, to reaffirm and recommit willingly. If you promise your child that you will go to a soccer game and then thought, “I don’t have a choice, I need to because he is my son.” And then the spirit of your heart isn't there. Now that isn't any different from your body, being present in a chair when you're thinking about meditating. However, your mind furiously occupied with a meeting that happened yesterday, or something that needs to happen tomorrow or a problem you need to fix or looking at your watch and saying, how come this isn't over yet, or whatever, or sitting in a church bench and not worshiping you're not there your mind is somewhere else or some planets.
You are in a role, but in your mind, your awareness is not there. As stated in the previous example, you are disavowing unknowingly the role you are at by being not present or by not portraying the character because your mind isn’t there. And again, to choose, we have delegated the choice that we made once to a secondary position, and it is lower now on the totem pole, more moderate in priority, lower on the responsibility ladder. And it is now accompanied by some regret some resentment and some negativity. So when we talk about being present, being present to the roles means to be aware of but reaffirming those roles and not resentful.
“I would suggest that the second layer of being present is being present to what you are, which includes intentionally and fully reaffirming at every moment, the responsibilities, obligations, opportunities, and blessings of all the roles that you currently have, and that you took upon and take upon yourself. If you do that, and you reaffirm those on purpose, and you make that part of how you show up every minute of every day, all the time.”
“You always have a choice. You have a choice. Every time you breathe, every time you open your mouth, every time you act. What you're saying, what I'm saying. If we say that, the consequences of exercising a different choice would be unpleasant would be difficult, would be a struggle over. If I ended this relationship, it would be a problem, and then it would go through all that. So you're saying I'd rather stay in it grudgingly, then change my circumstance. Well, that's not ownership of your life. And that indeed not being present to the roles that at one point, you lovingly, kindly, gently, willingly volunteered to, and jumped into.”
Hopeful Resources for you:
Please check my book: Tight Rope of Depression on amazon
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