From Rock Bottom to Rebirth: Matthias Schmitt on Turning Pain into Power
What do you do when your life falls apart? For Matthias Schmitt, the answer was transformation.
In this raw, unfiltered episode of Your Ultimate Life, Matthias reveals his powerful journey from rock bottom to rebuilding a life of meaning, faith, and service. He shares the inner battles, the spiritual breakthroughs, and the tools that anyone can use to turn pain into power.
You’ll discover:
- How to transform breakdowns into breakthroughs.
- Why surrender is the gateway to freedom.
- The role of faith, identity, and resilience in lasting success.
- How to live with purpose when everything seems lost.
📌 Next Steps
Connect with me directly, explore free nervous system training, and learn more about my coaching at matthiasschmitt.eu.
Don’t let pain define you. Let it refine you. Start by writing your story and turning it into impact and income with the Dream Build Write It Challenge, starts September 29th.
Transcript
What I feel, what I say, what I think, and what I do that they're in alignment.
Speaker B:Welcome to the show.
Speaker B:Tired of the hype about living the dream.
Speaker B:It's time for truth.
Speaker B:This is the place for tools, power, and real talk, so you can create the life you dream and deserve your ultimate life.
Speaker B:Subscribe, share, create.
Speaker B:You have infinite power.
Speaker B:Hello, and welcome to this episode of your ultimate life, the podcast to help you create a life of purpose, prosperity, and joy, and love the heck out of every second of your life.
Speaker B:Today I have a special guest, Matthias Schmidt.
Speaker B:Matthias, welcome to the show.
Speaker A:Thank you, Kellen, for having me.
Speaker A:It's such a pleasure to be here.
Speaker B:I love it and I love the little chat we had ahead of time, and we'll do more of that.
Speaker B:I want to hear more about the things that you've learned.
Speaker B:Now, I don't make it a practice to give a big intro and read a bunch of stuff about guests ahead of time, so I don't do that.
Speaker B:That'll all come out during the show.
Speaker B:How I want to start is just to ask you, without being modest or anything, I'd like you to tell me, the audience, how Matthias adds good to the world.
Speaker A:I think there's a lot that I could say around, you know, the projects or whatever I do.
Speaker A:I think essentially what.
Speaker A:What's really true is that I just try to show up every moment as my best version.
Speaker A:And that's the thing that a lot of people say, best version stuff.
Speaker A:For me, that means really living in integrity.
Speaker A:So what I feel, what I say, what I think and what I do, that they're in alignment.
Speaker A:And I think that's the greatest thing that I can do for the world.
Speaker B:So I love that.
Speaker B:And I agree with you because, you know, we hear all these buzzwords, personal development, and step into your power and authenticity, and they get thrown around, like, so much noise.
Speaker B:And mostly they are noise because people don't take the time or the effort to figure out what that means.
Speaker B:So I want you to walk me through what it means to today.
Speaker B:For example, today's a Thursday.
Speaker B:As we record this, what does it mean for Matthias to have his thoughts, feelings, words, and being in integrity?
Speaker B:Integrity with what?
Speaker B:How do you check that?
Speaker B:Talk me through that.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, that's.
Speaker A:Wow, that's.
Speaker A:That's phenomenal.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So what I do the night before is I.
Speaker A:Like, yesterday night I checked in and I was like, okay, what do I want to get done today?
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Like, what are the tasks that are really important for me in terms of My business, my health, and all of that.
Speaker A:And so I wrote them down.
Speaker A:And then, you know, this morning I woke up and I felt there was like, sort of like a heaviness inside of me.
Speaker A:So I'm very kind of like, I'm very connected to the.
Speaker A:To my feelings and the sensations in my body, and I felt that heaviness.
Speaker A:And I.
Speaker A:And my first thing, my first task would be, would have been write content.
Speaker A:But what I did instead, I sat longer in my meditation, and I felt through that in order so that then the content and whatever I do after that could be really from a place of lightness and not from a place of a little bit of shutdown or collapse or something where my tendency of my nervous system is to go into that direction.
Speaker A:And so really doing that from a place of lightness and of, hey, okay, this is really something that I want to do from joy and not from pressuring through.
Speaker A:And maybe back in the days, I would just be like, shove that part away and be like, no, no, no, I got to get that stuff done.
Speaker A:Build resentment internally, which would later show up as impulsivity towards others, which would show up as, you know, beating myself up, negative self talk and all of that.
Speaker A:Whereas now I check in, I feel, I think, like, I check in with my.
Speaker A:With my system, and I'm like, oh, okay.
Speaker A:Like, there's a heavy emotion here that wants to be felt first.
Speaker A:So I try to take care of that because I know that it will influence everything and it will have residue that will impact my relationships, how I show up, how I do content, and all of that.
Speaker B:So that's fabulous.
Speaker B:And I want to talk just in detail about doing that, because having an emotion show up of heaviness, it doesn't matter what the.
Speaker B:Cause some people take the.
Speaker B:And you're right, every single thing.
Speaker B:Like, people should listen to this last two minutes of advice you gave and.
Speaker B:And realize that those.
Speaker B:Those things have tails and residue and all those feelings, and pushing them aside doesn't make them go away.
Speaker B:It just takes them out of your immediate consciousness.
Speaker B:But anyway, so when you wake up with this heavy feeling of anything, one approach is, I can't do anything until I figure out what it is and do something about it.
Speaker B:Another approach is like, I'm just gonna be with it and love it and let it be okay and see what happens.
Speaker B:Maybe it's some neurotransmitters.
Speaker B:Maybe it's a leftover thought.
Speaker B:Like, what do you do?
Speaker B:You woke up, you notice a heavy feeling, and I'm digging Into this, because this is really important.
Speaker B:I notice the same thing.
Speaker B:I do things and I have a set of processes.
Speaker B:But what do you do?
Speaker B:So you did this morning, you woke up with a heavy feeling.
Speaker B:Did you identify it?
Speaker B:Was that necessary?
Speaker B:Did you just sit with it until you connected with the joy of your life in the day?
Speaker A:Like, what?
Speaker A:That's a very good question.
Speaker A:Yeah, I love that.
Speaker A:No, so what I do is.
Speaker A:And I think it's a learnable skill that everybody can learn, right?
Speaker A:Like, everybody has their own process.
Speaker A:And there's now a lot of modalities that are in the forefront, which is like a combination, what I do, of Eastern meditation and Western psychology, like, mixed together.
Speaker A:So it's kind of like.
Speaker A:Yeah, like ancient Eastern meditation and inner child healing kind of mixed together.
Speaker A:And so what I do is I connect with the.
Speaker A:With the sensation in my body.
Speaker A:I give it some kind of, you know, like, I give it some kind of picture in my mind.
Speaker A:I also feel into the feeling.
Speaker A:So I have the sensation, the somatics.
Speaker A:Then I have the feeling, then I have the picture in my mind of what that is.
Speaker A:And it doesn't matter where it comes from.
Speaker A:So many people in this coaching, therapy, whatever, get so stuck in this was when I was 3 years old and my mom didn't look at me or something like that.
Speaker A:That's why therapy oftentimes, like years of therapy, don't have a lot of influence in the real life because we just get stuck in our head again.
Speaker A:But what's so important in what I do is connecting through to the somatics and then attaching.
Speaker A:Like, our mind has, like four different.
Speaker A:Many more, but four general kind of registers.
Speaker A:And one is somatic, the other one is the feeling.
Speaker A:The third one is the imagery and the.
Speaker A:And the fourth one is speaking, so the vocalization.
Speaker A:So what I do is I connect on somatics.
Speaker A:I feel into the feeling.
Speaker A:I see the picture, I image it.
Speaker A:I image the picture, whatever comes up, and then I speak to that, right?
Speaker A:And then I.
Speaker A:And I stay with it, right?
Speaker A:And I.
Speaker A:And I am energetically just holding it as if I was my own best father and mother.
Speaker A:At the same time, I'm like, I'm not what you said, right?
Speaker A:A few years ago, maybe three, four years ago, I would then really get into the emotion and then get into a loop where I would be.
Speaker A:Maybe after I had really built successful businesses six years, I really needed that kind of more feminine approach where I was like, then, but laying in bed half day because I was so sad.
Speaker A:Or something, but then at the same time being there for this feeling or whatever is coming up and at the same time like just observing it and also not getting dragged away by it, being the best father as well.
Speaker A:So like having the heart and, and, and the backbone at the same time.
Speaker B:I love that.
Speaker B:So I'm going to ask you to dig in and I want to hear about your successful businesses and stuff like that too.
Speaker B:But I want to set this as a backdrop.
Speaker B:Why did you learn to do that?
Speaker B:Like what was going on in your life?
Speaker B:Because you're describing a process that takes some learning and you know, the somatics and the feeling and the picture and the visualization and the verbalization and that takes some effort, like learning to play tennis or play the piano or learning how to have a relationship or, you know, that kind of stuff.
Speaker B:So what was it that drove you to do, to learn that sort of skill and practice it?
Speaker A:I would say ultimately that I wasn't satisfied with the mess that I was creating in my relationships and in my own head.
Speaker B:Okay, so there was something about your relationships with others and with yourself essentially.
Speaker B:So your relationship with self and others that was unhappy, unsatisfying.
Speaker B:This isn't working.
Speaker B:And so you went to find some other way to manage or approach or create those relationships that worked better and you went on this journey.
Speaker B:So how did you.
Speaker B:I mean, nobody falls up this mountain.
Speaker B:So describe that journey a little bit for me.
Speaker A:No, and I mean, and it's all, it's.
Speaker A:I mean as you said, it takes off effort, right?
Speaker A:It takes commitment.
Speaker A:Like we got to be committed to that and we got to want it because.
Speaker A:And I knew that there was more out there for me that I had to, you know, that I could feel lighter, that I could have exactly the life that was in full integrity.
Speaker A: s really waking up in October: Speaker A:As I shared before, it was like a suffer as a service company and a event company.
Speaker A:So skiing events for students, like big festivals in the mountains and, and the first one was VC funded and waking up and feeling like a big thing is missing in my life.
Speaker A:And I remember that day because a woman that I had a one night stand with just walked out of my room.
Speaker A:And that was probably the, I didn't count that year, but probably like the 50th or something, one night stand that I had that year.
Speaker A:And I was just looking at myself in the mirror and I thought like, is this really the life that I want to lead?
Speaker A:You know, is this really life like it's keeps repeating, it keeps repeating.
Speaker A:And I had a lot of fun, no doubt about that in my, in my, in my life before that.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:It was, it was a lot of fun and I was realizing I keep repeating the cycles and I don't want to stay in those cycles anymore and I don't want to run behind the validation of women, the validation of other men as well, in order to feel for a short amount of time happy and then having to do it all over again and having to please others ultimately and depleting myself for that.
Speaker B:So that's really interesting.
Speaker B:And again, I like to emphasize points because they go by so quickly and you describe them so well.
Speaker B:You are looking and finding validation from external sources.
Speaker B:The admiration of men or of business owners, men, women or men who appreciated the successful companies, software as a service and event companies.
Speaker B:The admiration of women who, you know, threw themselves at you or you, you, you know, had short term relationships with.
Speaker B:And those were short term validations that says, oh yeah, Matthias, he's cool, but they only last, you know, about two seconds.
Speaker B:And, and, and since they come from outside and they don't last, that leaves not only you, but anyone that seeks the truth of their being from those places always wanting.
Speaker B:Because they never last.
Speaker A:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker A:They don't last.
Speaker A:They don't last.
Speaker A:And, and that was something where I felt like just a deep hole and a deep, like I knew that I wanted to be in integrity and I knew that there was something out there and I couldn't name that.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:But I knew that it was waiting for me and that's why I took the decision.
Speaker B:Yeah, so you said, I'm going to quit doing this.
Speaker B:I'm going to pursue a path that makes it feel like.
Speaker B:So something about that circular pattern felt out of integrity.
Speaker B:It felt like I'm not living my best self.
Speaker B:My thoughts, feelings, heart, mind, they're not in a straight line.
Speaker B:There's detours all over the place.
Speaker B:And so something about that process was calling to you saying however much short term fun this might be, this is out of integrity with who I really am and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but who I somehow feel like I really am and what I'm about it isn't this circular pattern of external gratification.
Speaker B:And so I gotta go find something else.
Speaker B:And that led you on a, a path to start, to start figuring out what that was for you.
Speaker A:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker A:And I mean it wasn't like super clear, right, that this wasn't who I Was because back then it was more like a feeling that I'm not in my lane.
Speaker A:It was a feeling that I'm off track.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:It was a feeling that.
Speaker A:Yeah, I couldn't fully name it.
Speaker A:It was like I was alive, but my soul was somehow in a coma.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like this kind of thing, but I couldn't fully name what it was like.
Speaker A:It couldn't have been like, oh, yeah, I'm, you know, I got to do this, I got to do that.
Speaker A:No, I was more like unclarity, confusion, you know, and.
Speaker A:And yeah.
Speaker A:So I had the sense that something was not right and I couldn't name it.
Speaker B:Yeah, well, if you're in a coma, the first thing you gotta do is wake up.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So I'm doing stuff, but my soul's in a coma, so I gotta wake up.
Speaker B:So tell me in the process of.
Speaker B:And include the businesses.
Speaker B:So you have businesses, you have a pattern of life.
Speaker B:You built some successful businesses as a successful entrepreneur.
Speaker B:And you're feeling this out of alignment, soul asleep.
Speaker B:And then talk us through the steps that you changed.
Speaker B:Because where we're going with this is what you're doing now and what you're going to turn that journey into.
Speaker B:But right now I want to wake you up.
Speaker B:So I'm not going to wake you up.
Speaker B:You woke up or you started to.
Speaker B:What happened?
Speaker A:What happened?
Speaker A:So what happened was that at first I was out of my businesses.
Speaker A:I had money, I had time.
Speaker A:It was the starting of COVID and I've always been somebody who didn't give a lot about rules, like, who didn't give a damn about rules so much.
Speaker A:So I was like, awesome, I can travel.
Speaker A:So I actually got into a new relationship.
Speaker A:I was like, at first I was free.
Speaker A:I thought I was free, right.
Speaker A:Because I was out of the businesses.
Speaker A:I did one seminar that connected me deeply with my emotions.
Speaker A:So I hadn't cried for probably like seven, eight years or something.
Speaker A:And like, I only felt really alive.
Speaker A:Whenever I went on adventure, you know, threw myself down the hill on like powder days or when I had those really intense, you know, love one night stands, whatever, you know, when I got really, really drunk or something like that, that's when I felt alive.
Speaker A:Like I needed this to feel alive.
Speaker A:And so I went to that seminar and a friend of mine actually told me about it and he was like, you know, this would be really cool for you.
Speaker A:And at first I resisted.
Speaker A:I was like, ah, I don't want to have to do anything with that.
Speaker A:Woo.
Speaker A:Stuff like, don't Bullshit me with that.
Speaker A:But something inside of me was like, okay, let's give it a try, right?
Speaker A:Because I don't have anything to do anyway.
Speaker A:I don't know what I'm going to do, right?
Speaker A:So I'm going to do it.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And there.
Speaker A:There was a moment where I connected deeply with my feelings.
Speaker A:It was intense.
Speaker A:Like, there was like.
Speaker A:Like as if there was light coming in.
Speaker A:I started.
Speaker A:I started crying for the first time, as I said, in eight years.
Speaker A:And all of a sudden, like, as if I would take my first breath, I'm like, wow, like I'm alive.
Speaker A:And then I looked into my.
Speaker A:Into the mirror and I saw myself and I looked into my eyes and it was as if I would see myself for the first time.
Speaker A:And after that, a few months, I was really on top of the world.
Speaker A:Like, I thought I was on top of the.
Speaker A:I thought I had won the lottery and Christmas and Easter and everything at the same time.
Speaker A:And I thought, like, wow, like, am I enlightened?
Speaker A:Like, what's going on?
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:And my heart was so open and I thought, wow, this is so amazing.
Speaker A:So I got into a new relationship and.
Speaker A:And then I still didn't have anything to do, right?
Speaker A:I was like, okay, we're just gonna travel the world and, and.
Speaker A:And do stuff and, and experience things.
Speaker A:And I went to like, some.
Speaker A:Some burns and I went to some, you know, other festivals that were amazing.
Speaker A:And slowly, this kind of.
Speaker A:This feeling, this heightened feeling, just slowly step by step went down.
Speaker A:And I could feel it on a daily base in my mind that my mood was dropping.
Speaker A:And I had so much self awareness already because I had started meditation a year ago, a year before that, so I could kind of like already observe my mind a little bit and my thoughts and my emotions that I was like, going down, down.
Speaker A:And I was like, what is this?
Speaker A:What is this?
Speaker A:And so the interesting thing is that the relationship I was in, like, at first it was like, she was adventurous.
Speaker A:She was like super, super beautiful woman.
Speaker A:Adventurous, like, always driven.
Speaker A:And at first that matched super well.
Speaker A:And then after a while I realized, wow, like, I actually want to talk about something deeper.
Speaker A:Like, I want to talk about my feelings, because I feel meaningless.
Speaker A:I don't know what the hell I'm doing here.
Speaker A:And everything that I heard was just like, hey, you know what?
Speaker A:Like, enjoy your life.
Speaker A:You know, think positive and all of these things.
Speaker A:And I was like, wow, this.
Speaker A:Like, I don't know what to do.
Speaker A:And I kind of like lost my ground completely.
Speaker A:And I lost my ground in A way that I was laying in paradise beaches, Guatemala.
Speaker A:We were hopping from island to island and like into different kind of like adventures.
Speaker A:And I was like laying in paradise beaches in Guatemala.
Speaker A:I still had these old patterns showing up.
Speaker A:So we were in an open relationship as well.
Speaker A:So I could pretty much do whatever I wanted.
Speaker A:And I used this in order to avoid really facing the conversations with her and also with myself again, to date women, to go out and party and all of that, just as a way to escape this internal turmoil that I was like, that I couldn't really handle.
Speaker B:So the meter's going down, you feel it going down.
Speaker B:And now the tendency, the yearning to numb that with previous behaviors is coming up.
Speaker B:So, okay, I know what this is.
Speaker B:Let's go pull out the old bag of tricks and do that.
Speaker A:Exactly, exactly.
Speaker A:Pull out the old bag of tricks and do that.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:Your phrase is exactly right.
Speaker A:And then I was in a space where I was like, okay, I'm open to anything pretty much.
Speaker A:So I just saw an Instagram ad for some coaching personal development program and I didn't really think about that.
Speaker A:I was just like pretty much taking anything that was coming my way.
Speaker A:I was just saying yes to because I didn't have any clear direction anyway.
Speaker A:So I was like, okay, let's do that.
Speaker A:And what I didn't realize that I signed up to like a 700 hour coaching training that was more.
Speaker A:We also learned techniques to use with others and at the same time it was like a deep, reflective inquiry about you, about our own life.
Speaker A:So that was, that was so intense.
Speaker A:And I turned around every rock and all of a sudden I could see all of my patterns and behaviors, all of the chasing, all of the, like, trying to do it right for her.
Speaker A:Trying to get her love from my ex partner.
Speaker A:Why I built the businesses because I didn't feel enough for myself, right?
Speaker A:Because like I did the reflections and all of a sudden like a situation when I was like 11, 12 years old popped into my mind where I came home from school on a summer day and I come home and I'm like, wow, I want to go to the lake.
Speaker A:And I had two best friends at that time.
Speaker A:And I picked up the phone and I called them and I said like, hey, you guys want to hang out by the lake?
Speaker A:And both of them said, no, we have to do homework.
Speaker A:We have to do something with our parents and stuff like that, so we don't have time.
Speaker A:So I was a little bit sad.
Speaker A:So I had my lunch, I did like a little bit of my Homework.
Speaker A:And then I went down the lake and I was standing there, grass and feet in the grass.
Speaker A:And like, looking, sun was shining.
Speaker A:And I looked out the lake and there was a boat on the lake.
Speaker A:And both of them were on there together.
Speaker A:And, like, my heart dropped completely.
Speaker A:And I felt so small and unworthy in that moment.
Speaker A:Like, there was this, like, huge hole in my stomach.
Speaker A:And I.
Speaker A:And I swore to myself, like, my mom was there.
Speaker A:She's like, are you okay?
Speaker A:And I'm like, yeah, I'm okay.
Speaker A:But inside I was like, wow.
Speaker A:Like, I'm gonna prove to everybody that I'm worthy of love, you know?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And in these reflections later, I realized that moment as one of the, like a really strong moment for everything that I did afterwards.
Speaker B:All chasing that approval.
Speaker B:My friends dissed me.
Speaker B:And now I got approved to not just them, them vicariously, everybody in the universe that I'm okay.
Speaker B:Money, positions, opportunity, attractiveness, and all the rest.
Speaker B:So you launched on a 700 hour training and came out the other end.
Speaker B:What, like, you know, what is.
Speaker B:What is the change?
Speaker B:What is the change?
Speaker A:Well, the change back then first was that it was really cool because they ended that training with a vision party.
Speaker A:So who do you want to be?
Speaker A:Kind of think, come as that person.
Speaker A:Like, if you imagine yourself 10 years from now or 5 years or whatever, who do you want to be?
Speaker A:So come as that person, which was amazing.
Speaker A:So I was like.
Speaker A:And I was still together with my partner back then, I was like, okay, let's go to that party.
Speaker A:Inside of me, everything was like, no.
Speaker B:No, no, no, no.
Speaker A:But I hadn't yet had the courage to, like, end this relationship.
Speaker A:I felt like completely depleted and everything was, no, no, no.
Speaker A:So we come to this, to the city, we go to the hotel.
Speaker A:And back then, I already, like, reduced drinking.
Speaker A:I reduced taking substances and all of that.
Speaker A:And she was like, hey, let's go out for drinks.
Speaker A:Like, I have a friend here.
Speaker A:And I just exploded.
Speaker A:I was like, no, like, I cannot do that.
Speaker A:Like, I want to be.
Speaker A:Come as the person that I want to be in that moment.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:And right.
Speaker A:Like, and not as the old one.
Speaker A:Like, I want to come there as like the five, the version of myself in five years that's like sober, that's like, you know, that has it lives from integrity, that has, you know, found what they want to do.
Speaker A:Like, all of that.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:And then I finally had the courage to be like, okay, I don't see you in my vision, you know, I don't see you.
Speaker A:And that moment like, released so much for us.
Speaker A:And I just completely cried.
Speaker A:She was just standing there, stillness, nothing, no expression in the face.
Speaker A:And I cried for half an hour with her in the room together.
Speaker A:We were holding each other.
Speaker A:And then I took off and I went to that vision party.
Speaker A:And the next morning when I came back, she was gone.
Speaker A:And not the next morning, but at night when she was gone.
Speaker A:And that was one huge decision that I needed to take, that I knew that I needed to take in order to free myself.
Speaker B:You know, it was a big stand.
Speaker B:You took a stand for yourself, moving out of the people, pleasing and needing the external validation.
Speaker B:You had created a vision through this process and had the courage now to say no and free up the space to move toward being that thing, taking a stand for yourself.
Speaker B:So way cool.
Speaker A:Yeah, that was, that was like, that was the first of many decisions that I took.
Speaker A:And then, yeah, like fast forward few years later, you know, yeah, I started coaching after that.
Speaker A:You know, I started coaching supporting others on their journey, especially post exit founders, to find what's next for them.
Speaker A:Because that was like a really hard process for me.
Speaker A:You know, ultimately I knew, okay, I want to be of service, I want to support others on their journey.
Speaker A:You know, that was so clear for me.
Speaker A:And so I started to work with post exit founders in that phase of, hey, I don't know what to do with after I exit my company.
Speaker A:You know, there's a lot of people that fall into that void or that hole.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And yeah, now I'm sitting here and again, another evolution has happened and I am more.
Speaker A:Yeah, I've realized in the last months that the next step, the next evolution is really because in many of the conversations and coachings that I had with the founders, the ultimate main theme was relationships.
Speaker A:So either personally in their love life or also with co founders.
Speaker A:So I've decided to open up a new program for relationship coaching for founders.
Speaker B:Founder relationship coaching.
Speaker B:That's interesting because founders are often obsessed.
Speaker B:You know, they have an idea and they do this thing and they do it really well and they create success.
Speaker B:But often what that costs is relationships with themselves and their intimate partners or business partners or others because of that kind of obsession.
Speaker B:So post exit founders, you're saying, gee, I'm going to help people navigate what just took me two or three or four years to navigate.
Speaker B:And you've now said, well, maybe it's not just exit.
Speaker B:Maybe it is pre exit or whatever, the relationship piece that is so neglected and so needed for those people that are the visionaries and the founders.
Speaker B:Did I get that right or correct it?
Speaker A:Absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And I want to tell you a little bit about a conversation that I had earlier today with a founder, actually.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And we were talking about that.
Speaker A:The same patterns are coming up in their business as well as in their personal life.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So, for example, from.
Speaker A:From my personal story, I, like, my attachment is rather anxious.
Speaker A:So I like, I chase things, I grasp things.
Speaker A:Like, I go after.
Speaker A:When I'm in a relationship with the woman.
Speaker A:I, like, I used to be very, like, I used to be kind of anxious, especially with that partnership.
Speaker A:That was like, one of the, like, my ordeals, I would say, because she was so.
Speaker A:And I don't want to talk about her, but, like, I didn't feel seen or heard at all.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So I just try to make her love me, you know, in the way that I wanted.
Speaker A:And I tried to figure that out, and it was so hard for me.
Speaker A:And ultimately it didn't happen, obviously, because she was just operating in a very different way than I.
Speaker A:Than I need.
Speaker A:Right, right.
Speaker A:And I realized that.
Speaker A:And like, a similar pattern also came up with the co founders in my businesses, right.
Speaker A:Where they were like, in.
Speaker A:In the.
Speaker A:In the event business, for example, I would be the.
Speaker A:I would be the guy who was, like, oftentimes, like, tried to put the team together, you know, was really caring about the team.
Speaker A:And ultimately also, when we kind of split, there was a huge, huge fight.
Speaker A:And I would try to fix it.
Speaker A:Like, I would try to make it happen.
Speaker A:And the more I tried to make it happen, the more he would withdraw and, like, go out of the connection.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And I would just go more.
Speaker A:And the more I tried, he went out.
Speaker A:So these kind of patterns that we have in our relationship show up in business.
Speaker A:And the way we.
Speaker A:It's kind of like how we do one thing.
Speaker A:We do everything.
Speaker B:The way we do one thing is the way we do everything.
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker A:And ultimately, it's so important to look at these patterns.
Speaker A:It was so important for me because they would go through all of my life, through all of the relationships that I had, even my friends, like, I would throw parties just to be around them, right.
Speaker A:Not because I genuinely had the energy, but the energy came because I thought, I can be around those people that then later I don't have anything to do anymore because I just changed completely and realized I'm not my best version with them.
Speaker B:So this is really good.
Speaker B:I want you to take us on a bit of a teaching journey.
Speaker B:So you've described what you went through is the founder of success.
Speaker B:Post exit Looking at this truth, the way we do one thing is the way we do everything.
Speaker B:Noticing that similarity, going on a 700 hour journey because you had the sense of being asleep, waking up, realizing you have a calling.
Speaker B:And the calling you're feeling now is to help people who have similar experiences post exit or in relationships in general.
Speaker B:Tell me how you help somebody so you're in a conversation with that dude today or some other situation, how do you help them either start to wake up from their coma or identify the truth of those patterns that you're talking about that they may not be seeing?
Speaker B:How do you do that?
Speaker B:What do you do to help them get them started?
Speaker A:So there's kind of three main pillars, right?
Speaker A:Like the first pillar is really, is somatic work and it's, it's really regulating one's nervous system.
Speaker A:And in inside of that kind of pillar, I work with attachment styles.
Speaker A:So like avoidant and anxious and secure, sometimes disorganized attachment styles.
Speaker A:And we kind of, you know, there's like, as I said in the beginning, there's these meditations that really combine Eastern, Eastern meditation practices with Western psychology.
Speaker A:Kind of like.
Speaker A:So from an Eastern perspective, meditation ultimately is the practice of, if you look at it from a perspective practice lens, it's practicing focusing on one single thing as much as you can, while at the same time creating the biggest awareness around everything that you're doing.
Speaker A:And that's a skill that's also pretty good for, for founders and entrepreneurs, right?
Speaker A:If you can focus on the task at hand while still having a meta view of your business, that's pretty great.
Speaker A:So this combined with a kind of like a therapeutic method that combines what I said, like integrating the somatics and the feelings into learnings, into wisdom actually.
Speaker A:So this is like the first pillar, like regulating the nervous system so that it doesn't show up.
Speaker A:And I obviously listen to the founders, to the entrepreneurs, to the mostly men that I work with.
Speaker A:I listen to them, I hear how they relate towards their partner or whatever, you know, asking questions, of course, that's what coaching is about.
Speaker A:But then ultimately they get to practice these or train their nervous system so that when these situations show up, for example, when the partner, when they come home after work and the partner is like maybe not the happiest because they're an hour late or something for dinner.
Speaker A:Right, right.
Speaker A:Is a common kind of theme, right.
Speaker A:That they don't go into a defensive mode, you know, kind of like.
Speaker A:Because what happens in a defensive mode is that then there's, there's no connection that can happen, so it cannot be resolved.
Speaker A:Ultimately we just spiral.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:What I'd say when I say that is as soon as someone feels either disrespected, dissed or attacked or ignored or something, they quit listening.
Speaker B:And as soon as listening stops, the communication stops.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:And my, my biggest belief is that we as men, like at least that's my not expectation, but my standard for myself is that whatever the other person does, I want to be my best version.
Speaker A:As I said in the beginning, that's ultimately what I do to make this world a better place is when I am always holding my center, when I can fully hear every storm that's coming towards me, no matter it's by my partner, no matter it's in my business, whatever.
Speaker A:But if I can hold my center, my ground, feel whatever's coming up, while at the same time being super present and staying calm and then speaking something that creates connection again, then every conflict just dies and I get out of this stronger.
Speaker A:The relationship grows, the business partnerships grow, everything grows because I have held my center and my ground and I did not.
Speaker A:And that's what happens when we get defenses.
Speaker A:We actually regress into a little boy that wants to be loved by the mom that is then the partner, you know, or by the co founder that for me I projected my dad into.
Speaker A:Like he should know, like he should see what I'm doing.
Speaker A:Right, right, right.
Speaker A:So we regress to a little boy and, and that's like.
Speaker A:And it's so important for us men to be able to hold that little boy inside of us, care for him ourselves and thus in the now, in the grown up version of ourselves, be able to fully stay present with every emotion that comes up while at the same time taking the best possible action for the connection and then for the resolution of the conflict.
Speaker B:So I love it and I agree with you 100%.
Speaker B:I'm going to ask a different question that pushes on that a little bit because I want you to talk about.
Speaker B:There's lots of people that say just what you said, I'm not doing this woo woo crap.
Speaker B:And it all sounds too touchy feely for me.
Speaker B:I just got to bust my ass and do some stuff and everybody get out of the way.
Speaker B:What happens when a person takes that approach as opposed to learning and the stuff you've described, getting in touch with feelings and body and localizing feelings and doing all that work that's not trivial work, you got to do it, you got to learn it.
Speaker B:You got to practice it.
Speaker B:Etc.
Speaker B:So what happens when a person ignores that and just takes the old way of blasting through and dismisses all that as a bunch of crap?
Speaker B:What happens to them?
Speaker B:What happens?
Speaker A:To be honest.
Speaker A:Yeah, to be honest, I don't know.
Speaker A:To be really honest, every.
Speaker A:My, My honest belief of this life is that everybody has to figure that out on their own.
Speaker A:I know that.
Speaker A:I've heard people say, or let's say that way.
Speaker A:I know that sometimes when I'm going out and I see older elder men, you know, that.
Speaker A:That are kind of like super hard, you know, that are like hard, and I feel that hardness and that like, boom.
Speaker A:Like, right.
Speaker A:I can literally feel that.
Speaker A:I don't know if they're unhappy.
Speaker A:I just know that's not the life that I want to live.
Speaker B:Don't you?
Speaker B:I'm going to push on that because I agree with you.
Speaker B:But I get the profound sense of loneliness and the emotion that comes up for me when I experience what you just said is my heart aches.
Speaker B:I see them and I know, I know.
Speaker B:I don't guess they are missing the richness and texture and beauty that life has to offer because they've chosen to dismiss it, ignore it, trivialize it, or think it somehow for later.
Speaker B:So for sure.
Speaker A:Not that I think for sure.
Speaker A:When, when we get hard and not.
Speaker A:And when we don't integrate emotional somatics and all of it, like, it opens up a whole.
Speaker A:Like, I've had experiences I could have never had with alcohol, substances, whatever, just being sober and sitting there meditating.
Speaker A:I've had experiences that are like, way beyond what is graspable for the version of myself seven, eight years ago.
Speaker A:And at the same time, I'm just saying that everybody has to choose their own life.
Speaker B:That part's true, right?
Speaker B:Of course not.
Speaker B:But there's consequence.
Speaker A:Yeah, there's a consequence that, yeah, ultimately what has been so profound for me in these last years is that I just feel so, like life just get richer and richer and richer and I just feel more connected, connected, connected to everybody.
Speaker A:And, and nowadays we, we hear this word of like spirituality so often, right?
Speaker A:Like, ah, this is so spiritual.
Speaker A:Or that's so spiritual for me, you know, like, it doesn't matter what the people say if it's like church or spirituality or whatever.
Speaker A:For me, what spirituality means ultimately.
Speaker A:And a lot of people that are following the church might have a very different view and that's totally detrimental to that.
Speaker A:But for me, ultimately, spirituality just means that I feel more as part of something bigger than myself.
Speaker A:Every day, connected, more and more connected to everything.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah, that's beautiful.
Speaker A:And that's just beautiful for me.
Speaker B:So I'm going to ask you a couple more questions.
Speaker B:The first one is, so if someone wants to learn more about Matthias, like, you've given some good examples, you've walked us through a beautiful journey.
Speaker B:You've shown and demonstrated that transformation and how it worked in your life and how it matters to you now.
Speaker B:The consequences of more connection, more openness, and you're just having more fun in life.
Speaker B:If they want to learn more about you and, you know, see some videos or content you have or whatever it is, where do they go do that?
Speaker A:First of all, they can.
Speaker A:They can go to LinkedIn.
Speaker A:Matthias Schmidt, just my name.
Speaker A:I have a YouTube channel.
Speaker A:I can drop my WhatsApp even if people have questions.
Speaker A:Hey, I'm going to drop my WhatsApp in the show notes.
Speaker A:And I also have like.
Speaker A:So, yeah, I do videos, I Write content on LinkedIn and I kind of paused on Instagram, to be honest.
Speaker A:There was like too much stuff going on.
Speaker A:But I might, I might go back to that.
Speaker A:Let's see.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And then what I would love to also share is a free, like, nervous system training where people can get like a little bit of a.
Speaker A:Just a little experience.
Speaker B:Great.
Speaker B:How do they get it?
Speaker A:How did it get it?
Speaker A:Yeah, well, probably in a link that we can drop there.
Speaker A:But also my website is Matthias Schmidt.
Speaker B:Eu All right, so Matthias M a t T H I a s Schmidt S C H M I double T T T S C H M I T T There's two T's in the front and two in the back.
Speaker B:M a t T H I a s s C H m I T T Well, I have a Schmidt back in my.
Speaker B:The German side of the Fluker thing somewhere, but it's with a dt.
Speaker B:Anyway, so WW Schmidt eu.
Speaker B:Please look that up now and get this free stuff.
Speaker B:Because you heard the journey and practice that he has done to have the chops, the creds to say what he has said and how it serves you.
Speaker B:Matthias, what else didn't I ask you that I should have that you want to share with me?
Speaker B:You want to teach me or the audience as a.
Speaker B:As a nugget, as a parting thought, as a whatever.
Speaker A:What didn't you ask?
Speaker A:I think you asked a lot of beautiful things.
Speaker B:Well, that's okay.
Speaker B:I just like to give you a sec at the end.
Speaker B:Sometimes people have a.
Speaker B:A burning thought that they just didn't get to say yet.
Speaker B:And I just wanted to let that happen.
Speaker B:If it was.
Speaker B:If it was floating around right now.
Speaker A:There's nothing.
Speaker A:No burning thought, nothing.
Speaker B:All right, great.
Speaker A:It's just a pleasure to be here.
Speaker B:I love what you're doing, and I mean it.
Speaker B:I love you.
Speaker B:I love your work.
Speaker B:I love your openness, the choices that you've made to share.
Speaker B:It seems to me universally that whenever we go through these difficulties in our lives and then we make the choices to allow them to refine us instead of ruin us, there arises at the same time the yearning to help others.
Speaker B:You know, it just seems that those happen as we grow.
Speaker B:It's not enough to just, okay, I'm fixed.
Speaker B:Screw the rest of you guys.
Speaker B:It's like there arises at the same time the yearning to be of service.
Speaker B:And I can see that in you and in your offerings and in.
Speaker B:In the descriptions and love that you bring forward and offer to the world.
Speaker B:So I want to honor you and thank you for that.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Thank you, Kellen.
Speaker A:I think.
Speaker A:I think that, you know, you said, once we're fixed.
Speaker A:I wouldn't say that I'm fixed.
Speaker A:You know, like, it's really.
Speaker B:Well, it's a mountain without a top.
Speaker B:Nobody's fixed, but you know what I mean?
Speaker A:Nobody's fixed.
Speaker A:And also, nobody's broken.
Speaker A:You know, great.
Speaker A:Like, we're all perfect as we are, and that's so important for me.
Speaker A:For me, it's really important just to see the world more and more and every person through a mild.
Speaker A:A soft eye, you know, because there was so much.
Speaker A:There was so much turmoil and resentment and judgment in my head about others, and I just want to soften into that and be like, okay, like, we're all part of the same game somehow here.
Speaker A:And that's what really.
Speaker B:Well, it's all the same feelings we're made of, and I love that, because we don't have to be broken in order to go want to grow.
Speaker B:We can start from a place of being okay, and then looking at our lives and saying, you know what?
Speaker B:I don't think this is as good as it gets.
Speaker B:I'm going to go do something else.
Speaker B:And we can do that without the judgment and the condemning and the negativity.
Speaker A:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker A:And that's.
Speaker A:That's the beauty of it.
Speaker A:And I think that's just natural evolution.
Speaker A:You know, the growth is.
Speaker A:Is.
Speaker A:Is what we're actually here for, ultimately.
Speaker A:And sometimes the life that we're in just gets too small, or there's pressure, challenges, whatever, and then this is just like the next step, knocking on the door and saying, hey, when do you let me in?
Speaker B:Love it.
Speaker B:So, Matthias, thank you for being with us today and sharing your heart and all that you've been through.
Speaker B:I appreciate that.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for having me, Kellen.
Speaker A:And yeah, it was great to be here.
Speaker A:I had so much fun and I'm just really grateful.
Speaker B:You guys listening.
Speaker B:I want you to take the show and go back through it a couple of times.
Speaker B:You know, he talked about meditation, emotional regulation, and different ways to get in touch with because you're an integrated organism.
Speaker B:And the idea that you can push stuff away forever and have no consequence is not true.
Speaker B:If you do that and you go back through what he generously taught us, you will have more tools and ability to create your ultimate life this time around.
Speaker B:Right here, right now, your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.
Speaker B:Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything.
Speaker B:If you want to know more, go to Kellen Fluker media.com if you want more free tools, go here.
Speaker B:Your Ultimate Life ca subscribe your feet on the ground Stand with your heart in the sky and your feet on the ground.
